SSS-Class Profession: The Path to Mastery-Chapter 201: Breaking Point

The door to Alexis’s office closed quietly behind us, the silence of which was intensified by the tension that filled the air. Evelyn was already seated on the examination table when I had complied with Alexis’s command, not sure if I was going to regret it, but aware that I didn’t have a real choice. Alexis’s office was clean, too neat for my taste, with hard lighting and the faint odor of antiseptic that stuck to the walls. It was almost ironic, considering the fact that the very same woman who ran this room had spent hours fixing up bodies that were most likely far more violent than my own back at her hospital.

"Lie down," Alexis ordered, her voice having none of its normal softness as she picked up a toolbox from the counter. She wasn’t looking at me, but I could tell that her fingers were slightly trembling. I had seen it before, the rigidity in her movements. She never let it come through to the surface, but I could feel it. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Alexis was contemplating something, something she wasn’t sharing with us.

Evelyn, of course, hadn’t looked at me since we entered the office. Her eyes stayed intently on the floor as Alexis went to start with her. The usual placidness was gone, replaced by a very real tension that seemed only to expand when I caught her looking away from me for a brief instant.

"Alright, let’s start with you," Alexis growled, pulling out an eye exam light and moving in closer to Evelyn. Her hands were strong, but there was an edge to her professionalism. Something wasn’t right.

As Alexis prodded Evelyn to gaze at the light, I noticed the way her fingers shook ever so slightly. Alexis wasn’t doing this just because it was part of the job. She was hiding something from someone and I was sure that that someone was me. The way that she still would not glance in my direction, her face slightly turned away as if she couldn’t bear to exchange a glance, was enough to guarantee that something was taking over her. Her body language screamed tension.

"I know this isn’t easy," Alexis whispered, checking Evelyn’s pupils, illuminating each eye, testing for neural response. "But just focus on the light. Nothing else. We’ll get you back to normal, I promise."

The only response from Evelyn was the smallest of nods. I could see the effort taken in complying, the weight of the world on her shoulders, so that she walked as if robotically. She was not the forceful woman who had pushed me around; instead, she seemed. broken.

Alexis’s expression was professional, but her brow furrowed in a queasy way as she finished the eye exam. She made a note on her tablet, fingers flying too quickly, as if she wanted to move beyond this room.

"Okay, Evelyn," Alexis said quietly, stepping back. "I’m going to scan your neural circuits now. That should take a minute or so."

I just sat silently as Alexis inserted something that began to scan Evelyn’s brain waves. I had no idea what she was looking for, but I knew by the tension in her jaw that the news was not good.

Several minutes passed before Alexis at last released a sigh and removed the device. "Evelyn," she began, speaking in a soft voice. "There’s a tremendous amount of damage in your neural pathways. It’s focused mainly on your perception and the area of your brain that regulates your consciousness. The good news is that it’s likely reversible, but." Alexis hesitated, looking at her tablet. "I don’t have an answer right now. There’s too much we don’t understand about how your system’s reacting. It’s going to take some time to figure out how to reverse the damage."

Evelyn nodded, but her eyes did not falter. She was not surprised. I wasn’t sure anything surprised her anymore, if I’m being honest.

I looked at Alexis, noticing the way the configuration of her eyes eased for a moment before she reached me. The weight of her shoulders had become so dense now, it was as though she carried a load I couldn’t see. She fought to keep it hidden.

"Your turn, Rey," she breathed, her voice little more than a whisper. Her eyes would not meet mine as she gestured for me to lie back.

I obeyed, feeling the weight of her unspoken thoughts hanging in the air between us. Her fingers were calm as she conducted a series of tests on me, but I watched the way her fingers closed about the equipment, as if holding something back. Some feeling she was keeping from erupting.

She carried out the same basic tests she’d done with Evelyn, the scans, the readings of her nervous system. But when she came to analyze my results, I could see her hesitating before speaking.

"Your body’s worse than the last time," she said, her voice low and almost detached, as if she couldn’t believe that she was actually saying these words to me. "Your cells are too active. Energy is flowing through them constantly, and it’s getting to the stage where it’s becoming an issue. It’s like your body is in overdrive all the time." She scribbled some lines on her pad, her brow creased. "Reynard, this is not normal. Your body’s not just adapting, it’s changing at a rate that’s not sustainable."

I woke up, alarm bells in my head. "How bad is it?"

Alexis breathed deeply. "Bad. I’m afraid if we don’t pace this, you’ll burn out sooner than you think." She turned to me then, and looked at me for the first time. "Your body needs rest. And no more jobs or skills. Not until we can be sure it’s safe."

"No," I said immediately. "I won’t stop now. We’re at war. I need to keep moving, to get stronger."

"You’re not listening to me, Reynard," Alexis flashed, her tone rising a shade higher. "You have no idea what’s happening in your head. You’ve already pushed your body beyond what it can take. If you continue like that, you won’t just burn out, you’ll shatter. And you won’t be able to assist anyone, let alone hold out."

I clenched my teeth, resisting the urge to snap back. "You think I don’t know that?" I snapped. "I’ve signed a declaration of war. I need to take every advantage I can. I’m not giving up until we win."

"You’re already at your breaking point," Alexis hissed, her voice cutting the air like a knife. "This isn’t about winning, Reynard. This is about you staying alive."

The quiet filled between us, the import of what she’d said settling in. I knew she was right. But the urge in me, the need to push on, it was compulsion. I couldn’t afford to stop. I couldn’t afford to lose speed.

I shook my head. "You’re mistaken. If I give up now, they win."

Alexis didn’t move, her tension in the shoulders palpable. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me for a solid second. Then, in soft words, she went on. "Reynard, I’m not saying give up. I’m saying that you can’t win this war if you’re dead before the war has even started."

The words hit me like a blow. And I knew it. My body was unraveling at a pace I could not abide.

And then, as though a dam burst inside of her, Alexis took a shaky breath. Her face crumpled, and I watched as the rawness of her emotion broke, spilling over into its myriad fragments of hurt behind which she had cloaked herself.

"DO YOU TRULY BELIEVE I’M TRYING TO PREVENT YOU?" she shouted, her words shattering and hoarse, the pain and fear in every syllable ripping through the air. "I JUST WANT YOU NOT TO DIE, REYNARD. I CAN’T—" She choked, her voice shattering, as if the weight of the words was too much for her.

"HERE YOU ARE DYING AND I CAN’T HELP. I’m sitting here watching you quietly disintegrate before my very eyes, and I can’t help you, I can’t fix this and I can’t save you. AND THE BITTEREST FACT IS THAT YOU WON’T EVEN LET ME TRY. YOU WON’T EVER LET ME TRY."

Her chest was heaving and falling, anguished screams breaking every shaking gasp. It was as if each word was spoken from raw despair, each one enveloped in pain of powerlessness. Her legs gave way and she fell beside me, her body shaking with weeping, her hands grasped at her chest as if attempting to hold herself together, to keep herself from breaking into fragments entirely. Tears flowed from her eyes, dampening her skin, and for the space of a single heartbeat, all I could do was stand there and watch her fall apart. My heart ached, shattered and bruised.

"WHY WON’T YOU HEAR ME OUT?" she gasped, her voice breaking again, torn with grief. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF? WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS MAKE PROMISES OF LETTING US HELP YOU. BUT THEN YOU JUST GO ON AND KEEP THINGS UNDER WRAPS AND DO THEM ALONE?"

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak. The words stuck in my throat, the weight of her pain too heavy to carry. I was there, my nurse, my rock, completely unraveling, the woman who stood with me at the end of each battle and fight, now breaking down because of me. I had destroyed her.

Instinct took over. I wrapped my arms around her, without words, without thought. My arms were desperate as if to will her together. I had no idea what to say. What is there to say? There is nothing to say. Nothing would make any of this right. Nothing would make her believe everything would be okay.

But I could keep her. I could try, in this moment, to offer her some degree of comfort. I could try to be strong for her, even though I wasn’t sure that I had anything left to give.

Her face buried in my chest, her sobbing causing her body to shake, shaking like a leaf in the hurricane. I could feel the wetness of her tears, dampening my shirt, mixing with the smothering sensation of hopelessness around us.

I had no answers. I had no solutions. But for one moment, I was able to be there for her.

And for a moment, that was enough.

The war outside? That could wait.

The world was breaking apart everywhere else, but here, in this brief, fragile space, it was just us. And I could do nothing, offer her nothing, but my arms as she unraveled within them.

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