Summoners War: Only I Summoned Divine Beasts-Chapter 1561: Struggles

After reaching this point in the diary, Nathan was speechless. One life alone was already a huge burden.

When the original Nathan did his best for the world, he ended up getting betrayed by the person he used to trust.

However, could he really blame her?

In this life, the original Nathan didn’t know Flora even though he used to love her the most in the world.

Nathan knew his feelings for Flora because after getting a peek at the memory, his affection for Flora increased drastically. If not for his rationality that kept him in check, Nathan might end up prioritizing Flora for everything, which would be unfair to other girls.

That was why it would hurt to be betrayed by someone like her.

It was even more so when he took into account the numerous sacrifices he had made for this world. After so many reincarnations, his morale and mind might not be intact anymore.

It was already beyond his understanding how a person could withstand such torture. He might have fallen into despair countless times, but in the end, he managed to get back on his feet again and again.

For that action alone, Nathan wanted to give him the respect he deserved.

Unfortunately, there was no information about why Flora betrayed him, so he continued to read.

[1799th Reincarnation]

"I was trying to do my best, but whenever I did something, I would end up asking myself whether it was worth it.

"I wanted to give up. If someone could just take this burden off me, I would be glad to pass the baton to them.

"But who could do this other than me? Even if I lost the reason to protect this world, I should still keep going. There might be good scenery on top of the cliff."

...

[2005th Reincarnation]

"I have been changing my methods for the past few hundred lives. I didn’t know what exactly happened, but I could only conclude that Flora might have attacked me because it was related to the country.

"I didn’t plan to find out any further because it was irrelevant to me. After that betrayal, I ended up losing my love to her.

"I was trying to forgive her... I might have forgiven her, but what was the point of forgiving her when it took me so long to the point where... the hatred was gone, the love was gone... where all that remained was indifference."

...

[6104th Reincarnation]

"I had done everything I could with my disciple. I thought we would be able to get far this time. But we ended up hitting a wall.

"We couldn’t defeat Yog-Sothoth. He governed both space and time, and I had kept repeating this over and over again, and Yog-Sothoth did the same thing to me.

"I had to watch my beloved disciple die with my own eyes for... who knows? It was surely not just four thousand times. I felt like I had lost her four thousand times four thousand times. Every time we had to fight, I had to see her dead in front of me.

"That alien kept reminding me of her death over and over again. I lost my mind. Should I really continue to do this?"

...

[11050th Reincarnation]

"I gave up on Bianca. The only thing I could do was visit her and apologize before leaving her so that our karma wouldn’t be entangled anymore.

"She had done more than enough for the people in this world. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the same thing for the x-thousandth time. Just looking at the pure and untainted expectation of her turned into a brutal reality...

"I couldn’t. I had to find another way to defeat the aliens."

...

[40209th Reincarnation]

"When writing this, I don’t know if this is the correct number of reincarnations or not. I have lost count after ten thousand. I keep repeating these few years so many times that I wonder if my age is truly 16 or 1,000,000?

"I couldn’t think of any other way to deal with them. Even though the solution for the food had been given, it was not enough to save everyone. So, I had to solve this problem again. Maybe I should have stopped the disaster myself.

"I went to the sea hoping to search for an answer. But I couldn’t do it. There was no way to cross the sea with my limited knowledge and strength."

...

[90799th Reincarnation]

"I succeeded. I finally formed my godhood. It took me so long to become a god, and even though it was just a pseudo god, I could still be considered a god in this world.

"Thanks to this new power, I could travel to the entire world just fine. I found six continents.

"I never thought there were actually three continents that were suitable for living the whole time.

"However, one of them was actually destroyed. There was a massive crater on one of them. I didn’t know what it was, but it might be the one destroying this entire continent.

"The other two continents were doing their best to hold on, but they eventually fell.

"I finally knew the reason why the number of aliens increased. It was because those aliens also fought on other continents. If they were gone, all those aliens could focus on our continents.

"But how could I help them? I had formed my godhood, but I wasn’t omnipresent. I could be here to protect the continent, but the other continents would be destroyed by the aliens. 𝓯𝓻𝒆𝙚𝒘𝓮𝙗𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝒍.𝙘𝓸𝙢

"I tried to teach them our summoning methods, but it was impossible. We simply didn’t have enough time.

"By the time they were ready, Yog-Sothoth would once again descend to this world.

"At first, it was hard to communicate with them, but I could finally talk to them just fine after several reincarnations. Still, that didn’t change the outcome.

"Why? Please, someone... Could anyone answer me? Why would you give me hope and make that hope... useless?"