Surviving marriage in yandere world-Chapter 41: Emergency Landing: Wedding Crash

The only thing worse than falling from a burning skyship with five deranged, superpowered girls in hot pursuit was crash-landing into the middle of a noble wedding but that’s exactly how Rei Tuesday went.

He doesn’t remember much between screaming "I regret everything!" midair and slamming into something suspiciously soft and suspiciously floral.

His eyes fluttered open to find himself lying atop a mountain of pink roses. And Elegant music played in the background. Dozens of shocked guests stood frozen, their goblets mid-toast, as he groaned and pushed a lily petal from his mouth.

Above him, a banner hung across two golden pillars.

~ Congratulations to Lady Clarabelle and Lord Vernon on Their Sacred Union ~

Oops.

"WHO is that?!" a furious nobleman bellowed from the altar. Rei glanced toward him. A peacock of a man, dressed in nine shades of velvet, his face as red as his dignity.

Beside him, the bride—a woman with flowing silver curls, at least three tiaras, and a neckline sharp enough to stab a man—stared at him with wide eyes and a sudden, unsettling blush.

"Oh my stars," she whispered, taking a step forward. "Is this... fate?"

Rei blinked then the System dinged.

[System Notification: You have interrupted a high-tier noble wedding. Local reputation -500. Global chaos +120. Congratulations?]

"I OBJECT!" Lady Clarabelle cried out, flinging her bouquet with deadly precision. It hit Vernon squarely in the nose.

"I—What?!" he sputtered, stumbling back.

She strode forward with purpose, eyes laser-focused on Rei as if he was the prize at the end of a lifelong lottery. "This man! He fell from the sky itself to reach me! He is clearly my destined groom!"

"Lady, I fell from an exploding skyship while trying to escape my obsessive fiancées. I assure you, this is not destiny—it’s dumb luck."

But she wasn’t listening.

A crash sounded from above as the heavens tore open once more.

"REIIIIIIIIIIIII!!"

Drakana, glowing with molten rage, dove like a meteor toward the cathedral lawn, landing in a pillar of fire that singed off several noblemen’s wigs. Her wings flared dramatically behind her.

One second later, Seraphina soared in atop her golden pegasus, surrounded by knights in glittering cloaks reading "Team Rei’s Royal Bride." She drew her ceremonial blade. "STAND BACK, PEASANTS THAT MAN IS MINE."

A crate of oranges exploded near the wedding cake.

"...Rosette," he muttered. "Why oranges again?"

From within the sticky wreckage, a delicate white-gloved hand emerged. "Scent masking," she murmured as she stepped out in full assassin-nun regalia, wielding a parasol sharpened to an unreasonable degree.

The remaining two girls—Lilia and Princess Yukiko—materialized through a portal of hearts and cherry blossoms respectively, as if this were some cursed magical girl anime.

Then Lord Vernon fainted and the wedding guests screamed and scattered like pigeons at a firework show. The bride however, remained rooted to the spot.

"Rei, my darling," she purred. "Let us elope before your harlots can—"

A fireball exploded to her left. Drakana grinned with smoke curling from her mouth.

"Oh honey," she said, "you’re not even in the top ten. Now move."

Seraphina dismounted, drawing herself up to full imperious height. "This is a national incident. Rei has suffered enough emotional damage for today. For now everyone—get in line."

Yukiko unsheathed her fans and floated down like a butterfly of doom. "I have brought ceremonial silk ropes. Shall we bind him now or after tea?"

"AFTER," Lilia said sweetly, walking over and grabbing Rei hand with alarming speed. "Because he’s mine today."

The bride shrieked, yanking him toward her. "FIGHT ME!"

The noble house guards drew their weapons. "By order of House Clarabelle, this is a declaration of war!"

[System Alert: Emergency! Multiple threats detected! Updating mission...]

[New Mission: Survive the Unscheduled Polyamorous Wedding Tournament]

[Reward: A five-minute head start on your next escape plan]

[Failure Penalty: Death. And/or marriage. Whichever is worse.]

Rei screamed.

"DRAG HIM!" Rosette shouted, grabbing one arm.

"NO, WALTZ HIM!" Seraphina countered, grabbing the other.

"HE BELONGS TO THE FLAMES!" Drakana bellowed, summoning a fiery cage around us all.

Lady Clarabelle made a flying leap and landed on my back, clinging like a lovelorn barnacle. "I HAVE SEEN THE SIGNS! WE ARE DESTINED!"

"Somebody kill me," Rei muttered.

[System Notification: Request Denied. You still owe us 172 missions, 4 confessions, and 1 demon marriage pact.]

The officiating priest hid under the wedding buffet table. "By the gods, I didn’t sign up for this!"

Rei turned to the only sane entity he could think of. "ERIS! Goddess Eris! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF CHAOS—HELP!"

Silence, Then a gentle chime.

[System Notification: Goddess Eris is currently watching with popcorn. She finds this hilarious.]

"Of course she does," Rei gritted through his teeth as Seraphina began announcing each girl’s title like this was some unholy marriage championship bracket.

"Representing the Royal Kingdom of Eldoria! Princess Seraphina, First of Her Name, Slicer of Souls, Kisser of Rei’s Left Hand!"

"From the Flaming Peaks of Vulkrazan! The Firestorm of Passion! Drakana the Dragon Queen, Licker of His Spine!"

"THEY’RE NOT REAL TITLES!" he shouted but no one listened.

Lilia began humming the wedding march. She had pulled out an entire violin from her spatial ring.

Rosette prepared blood-ink quills.

Yukiko sipped tea while folding a paper origami of me in chains.

Clarabelle screamed, "I’LL STAB YOU ALL!" and drew a dagger from her garter.

The guests began placing bets.

[System Prompt: Would you like to roll for Charisma (Escape Attempt)?]

[Option A: Smile awkwardly and pretend this is normal]

[Option B: Set yourself on fire and hope the dragon girl catches you]

[Option C: Pretend to be unconscious and pray for mercy]

Rei slammed Option C with mental fury. Then he dropped like a sack of rice and faked unconsciousness with the commitment of a seasoned thespian.

"Rei?!" Lilia gasped. "He fainted! Quick, resuscitate him with affection!"

"LET ME LICK HIM AWAKE!" Drakana roared.

"NO, CPR FIRST," Seraphina snapped.

Rosette reached into her sleeve. "I brought soul-binding incense for emergencies."

Yukiko nodded solemnly. "It’s time for the midnight ritual. We only have 43 minutes."

[System Notification: You have triggered the hidden event: Unholy Matrimonial Cluster Crisis]

[Activating Auto-Save: You will now reload here upon death again and again.]

Rei twitched Clarabelle, still atop him, sobbed. "Don’t die, Sky Angel! I can’t go back to Vernon!"

Vernon was still unconscious and a dove had perched on his head.

As the girls squabbled, shoved, and circle-stalked one another like apex predators over a wounded gazelle, Rei made a tiny motion with his hand.

His fingers closed around a fallen slice of wedding cake.

If he was going to die... at least he’d go out with frosting.

To Be Continued...

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