Taming the Beast World with a Frying Pan-Chapter 186: Nudist Colony of One

The forest floor was a squelching, brown tapestry of mud and wet leaves. Ren picked her way through the underbrush, her bare feet sinking into the cool earth with every step.

Surprisingly, despite the biblical deluge that had just occurred, there wasn’t a puddle in sight. The ground had drunk it all up.

Ren nodded, impressed. "Nature has excellent drainage. If this much rain fell in New York, the entire subway system would be an aquarium and Ratatouille would be captain of a boat."

She took a deep breath. The air was crisp, cool, and smelled of crushed pine needles and wet stone. It was like inhaling a high-definition nature documentary.

"Okay," Ren exhaled, feeling the tension in her shoulders loosen slightly. "Maybe I won’t die of stress today."

She pushed aside a massive fern frond and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Woah."

In the center of a small clearing stood a plant that defied all logic. It was shaped like a gigantic, bulbous purple jug, easily four feet wide at the base. It was filled to the brim with crystal-clear rainwater that shimmered like liquid diamonds. Small, pin-sized holes at the base of the "jug" were slowly weeping water, feeding the thirsty roots below.

A flock of tiny, jewel-toned birds perched on the rim, drinking their fill. As Ren approached, they fluttered away in a chaotic explosion of color.

Ren circled the botanical wonder. The leaves surrounding the base were a shocking, vibrant red—thick, soft, and succulent, like velvet cushions.

"It’s magnificent," Ren whispered. "It looks like something Willy Wonka grew in his greenhouse."

[System: That is the ’Violet Rain-Caller’. It is a rare succulent that only blooms and opens its reservoir during heavy storms. Once the water inside is depleted or evaporates, it snaps shut until the next monsoon. It naturally filters the rainwater, infusing it with minerals and a natural floral scent.]

Ren’s eyes sparkled. "So, it’s a giant, organic, filtered water cooler."

[System: Essentially. But prettier.]

"The Beast World really is amazing," Ren admitted, running a hand over the smooth purple skin of the plant. "You know, when it isn’t trying to kill me."

She looked around. The clearing was secluded, walled in by thick trees. The sun was beaming down, warming the cool air.

She looked down at herself.

The itchy abomination—otherwise known as the wool dress—was already hard at work. Angry red blotches were blooming on her arms and neck. It felt like she was wearing a sweater made of steel wool and regret.

Ren looked at the crystal-clear water in the plant.

"Well," Ren mused. "I’m extremely gross right now. I’m covered in mud, sweat, and... other things. And here is a giant water tank nature provided just for me."

She grinned deviously.

"I’ll just take a quick wash off. What is the worst that could happen?"

Ren slipped behind the bulk of the large plant, treating it like a privacy screen. She peeled off the dress with a sigh of sheer ecstasy, tossing it onto a dry rock.

"Free!" Ren whispered.

She stood there, naked in the middle of a bright, sunny forest.

"I am becoming a nudist," Ren realized. "Civilization is losing its grip on me. Next, I’ll be braiding flowers into my armpit hair."

She shook her head and got to work. Haste was key. She was conscious of the forest—the hidden eyes, the creeping things. She didn’t want to push her luck.

She took the bar of lavender soap from her inventory.

Ren approached the rim of the Violet Rain-Caller.

She reached up to dip the soap.

And encountered her mortal enemy: her height.

The plant wasn’t excessively tall—maybe five and a half feet at the rim—but Ren was severely vertically challenged. At a mighty five foot two, she was just short enough to make this difficult.

"Seriously?" Ren huffed.

She went on her tippy-toes, stretching her arm like she was trying to reach the top shelf at a grocery store.

"Come on... just a little dip..."

Her fingers grazed the water. She hopped. Splash.

"Success!"

She quickly lathered the wet soap between her hands until she had a good amount of suds. She scrubbed her body with frantic efficiency—arms, chest, legs, and especially the areas that felt icky from the previous night.

She put the soap back into her inventory.

"Now, the rinse."

She stood close to the plant, gripping the delicate, rubbery edge of the massive leaf that formed the spout.

"Okay, pivot," Ren instructed the plant.

She pulled. It was heavy, filled with gallons of water. Ren gritted her teeth and leaned her weight into it.

The leaf tipped.

Sploosh.

A cascade of cool, clean water poured over her head and shoulders.

"Oh, yes," Ren groaned. "So good."

It was heavenly. The water wasn’t just clean; it was infused with the plant’s nectar. It smelled sweet, like honeysuckle and rain. It washed away the suds, the sweat, and the stress of the last twenty-four hours.

Ren used her free hand to scrub her hair, rinsing out the dirt.

She let the leaf tip back upright, shaking her hair like a wet dog.

"That," Ren sighed happily, keeping her eyes closed and tilting her face to the sun, "was worth the risk. I feel human again. I feel clean. I feel like I can conquer the world."

For a moment, there was peace. The birds chirped. The wind rustled. Ren was one with nature, a naked goddess of the forest.

Then, the bushes behind her rustled violently.

"NOOO!"

A very masculine, very panicked squeal shattered the serenity.

"IT IS BETTER TO BE BLIND!"

Ren jumped at the sudden sound.

She got over the surprise quickly because she recognized the voice. She would recognize that dramatic, theatrical screech anywhere.

A bright, beaming smile spread across Ren’s wet face. She spun around, completely ignoring the fact that she was stark naked and dripping wet.

"Viper!" she cheered.

Ren had never been so happy to see someone in her entire life.