The General's Wife Wants to Leave-Chapter 138: Crumble apart

"Thank you for standing for me, Joanna," Canillas said in a low voice, looking into her fiery eyes.

"Thank you for not allowing that woman to approach me," he added, remembering how she stated clearly that he would never take any mistresses because he valued the sacredness of their marriage highly.

"I will never take any mistresses if that question happens to appear in your mind." And Canillas saw the fiery eyes quivering. The rosy lips that were a palm away from his were slightly parted.

"I will only marry once and will never take any mistresses. So you don’t need to worry about any of that." And Canillas saw the fiery eyes softened.

Because the owner of the previously fiery eyes was now having her heart beat rampantly inside her chest by the sudden confession that she had never asked for an explanation from the speaking man despite her doubt and curiosity.

"I don’t know if you will trust me or not. But this is what I want to let my wife know, just like she has implicitly let me know that there is no other man in her heart that she wants to make her husband."

Joanna tightened the clasps of her hands, trying hard to school her chaotic mind and heart.

"I don’t know if you will trust me or not. But I chose Lady Joanna de Lara to be my wife, and she will be the only wife and woman of me, Canillas von Rodega."

Joanna felt suffocated at the moment. Every fiber of her being screamed for air to breathe.

"I don’t know if you will trust me or not. But to see a lady with beautiful pairs of hazel eyes, a beautiful smile with dimples on her cheeks, and beautiful black hair flowing behind her back... or resting on her shoulder as it is now... is a bliss to me."

Joanna was no longer able to hold the intensity of the gaze that was getting heavier and heavier to behold. She averted her eyes away from his.

"To see her shy with blushing cheeks is also a bliss to me. To see her act stubborn and cold toward me is also a bliss to me." fɾēewebnσveℓ.com

Joanna turned her face away, biting inside her cheeks.

"But it is not bliss to me to see fear in her beautiful eyes."

And Joanna turned to stare back at Canillas.

As for Canillas, the stubbornness and coldness that she had shown him all this time were only a part of her shield to distance herself from him. And he was fine with that, as he could find amusement in that. But not with the fear; that was not part of her act, as it was real and growing inside her. Hence, Canillas wanted to expel it from her, as it was really not a joy to him to see that in her.

"Don’t be afraid of me, Joanna." Canillas finally demanded what he had seen in her and wanted it to vanish from her whole being.

"Don’t be afraid to accept me as your husband. Don’t be afraid to be my wife. Let’s live a normal married life. Let me be your real husband, and please be my real wife. Will you, Joanna?"

And Joanna was completely shut down. Everything around her turned dim and silent. Only a person whose voice was so soft in her ears filled her entire senses. And he was sitting before her with a pleading look that somehow she did not want to see because she did not want the high and sturdy wall she had built to crumble apart.

All Joanna’s determination to stay calm and not let her heart melt away was in danger of disappearing, being burned in the fireplace together with the logs of wood that were flamed to warm the room from the cold air that was getting apparent as the autumn night deepened.

She still remembered when he said that he was not only lucky but also blessed to have her as his wife. She also still remembered how he was in anger when the drunkard Viscount said improper words about her.

He was not angry when he was insulted, but he was in rage when she was treated inappropriately. He even almost caused a rift by making the old Viscount lose his breath.

If she had not stepped up, telling him to stop, the news about the great General of Archess taking the life of Viscount Henderson would have been soaring in Terra. And she was sure that the news would have soared just by looking at his darkened gaze when he turned to look at her—a look of someone who was ready to take one’s life.

It made Joanna ponder if it was his look when he took the lives of his enemies on the battlefield.

What was she to him that made him ready to take the life of someone who behaved improperly toward her? Was all the way he had acted all this time purely an action of a husband to protect the dignity of his wife? Was she that precious that she made him willing to take the life of someone who had insulted her?

Joanna pondered with so many questions in her mind. Her heart was pounding beyond its limit at the moment. It seemed to be pounding the fastest it had ever been during the time she was attacked by heart-touching chords from him.

She was now aware—more aware than before—that she could not let her determination win over him as easily as she thought.

It was not the first time he had talked tenderly to her, as he had been since their very first meeting, when he stepped inside her room for the very first time.

It was not the first time she had her heart pulsate under her palm, as it had been every time he talked the way he talked to her just now.

But all this time as well, she was still adamant about ignoring them all, attempting to close her eyes and her ears, ruling in her mind and heart that those were only words that were sung without meaning.

She had even thought that she would get immune to that, to the point that everything that came from his lips and the action of his conduct would be nothing to her, having no slightest impact on her whole being.

But she was wrong. It was never easy for her every time he appeared before her.

She might have been able to ignore everything that came from him if she had not felt the slightest sincerity in the affection he showed through his words and actions. However, because he was always tender to her, working hard and not giving up to melt her heart, it made it hard for her to ignore everything that he had done to her.

Because of that as well, she failed to free herself from him, losing the only chance he gave her to end their marriage.

And she hated him for that—for shaking all the ground and the wall she had built to shield herself from him.

Then, why should he appear in her dream that way? Why did he have to become someone who hurt Joanna in that dream? Why didn’t she see the man who was now looking at her with a tender look in his eyes, whose face was a palm away from hers, in the dream she saw? Which one was the real him, actually?

Questions after questions emerged from Joanna’s mind.

Why was he so eager to win her heart? Why did he plead to make her accept him as her real husband and ask her to be his real wife?

She knew what the meaning of those words was. Submitting herself to him as a wife was how she became a real wife to him.

But she was still doubtful because of the fear inside her. And to her surprise, he knew that she was in fear.

Joanna was really sure now that he could read her easily. And she did not like that, as she could not hide anything from him because she was too transparent in his eyes.