The Great Mage Returns After 4000 Years-Book 2: Chapter 418

‘I’ am Lukas Trowman.

At least so far.

* * *

He had gotten stronger.

It was a thought that he’d heard after absorbing countless Lukases.

He perfectly dominated and understood the concept of Void, the basic substance of the World of Void. It constantly regenerated his body without the need for food. No. It was more like it gave him the ability to regress.

That wasn’t all.

The possibilities of Void were endless.

He was able to use that power to do most things.

He could use it for swordsmanship, spearmanship, and for his body.

He could carve weapons out of nature, and he could enter the ‘overlapping world’. It made it possible for him to infiltrate the space where the Corpse Ghost, one of the Twelve Void Lords, was hiding.

He’d gotten stronger.

That vague thought carried great conviction.

“No one can kill you.”

A Lukas who had wandered the World of Void for tens of thousands of years told him that.

“Of course, it’s still too hard for you to deal with the Twelve Void Lords.”

“There’s no need to rush.”

“Because the power you have melted is only a fraction…”

In this form, the other Lukas’ became competent advisors and informants.

At least that’s what he thought at first.

“Kill him.”

“Save that person.”

The voices of the Lukases’ grew louder and their demands increased.

“Destroy everything.”

“Defend that.”

The voices all asked for their own things. He couldn’t fulfill all of their requests. Sometimes, fulfilling the request of one betrayed the request of the other. He was gradually sucked into a swamp of self contradiction, and when that happened, the ‘Lukases’ egos ravaged his brain.

“Don’t forget.”

“Don’t forget for even a single moment, Lukas.”

“This strength is not something you achieved on your own.”

“You… are responsible for all of us.”

The murmurs of tens of thousands could not be called murmurs.

They talked to him constantly. Upon absorption, they strongly emphasised their right to present their power instead of transferring it.

At some point, he became unable to maintain his sanity. The constant forcible instilled not only information but also thoughts and personalities into him.

-…even beings with minds of steel usually don’t eat more than a double digit number of corpses when they go to the dump site.

Lucid had said.

–This is because it’s possible to become oversaturated. This is no different from taking the first few steps to destruction with your own two feet. Isn’t that natural? The target is none other than yourself. Just as the efficiency of predation is maximised, too much of it makes it a poison.

Perhaps that guy’s diagnosis was right.

After hearing those words, he was finally able to understand what he’d done.

In fact, it had been foreshadowed. After eating a certain amount of corpses, pain that could not be ignored coursed through his body. Not just his body, but also his mind creaked from the pain. Perhaps even someone with great mental strength would not have been able to withstand that pain.

But he ignored it.

He ignored it and continued to devour corpses.

It wasn’t enough. He needed to be stronger. It was an obsession he’d had ever since he met the two of the Twelve Void Lords in person.

“Kukuku…”

A chuckle crept out.

Eventually, he ate all of the Lukases and became strong.

He would have to face one directly to know just how he compared to one of the Twelve Void Lords, but he was at least able to learn one thing from his confrontation with the Corpse Ghost. At the very least, he wouldn’t die in vain as he did previously. But what did that mean? It felt like he’d even forget his own purpose if he were to let his guard down. The mixed memories and personalities of the Lukases confused him. If he wasn’t him, he might have gone mad already.

What was his purpose in the first place?

The future God had shown him.

The future where everyone he knew was destroyed.

That future had to be changed. He wanted to change it.

Diablo.

He was the main culprit and mastermind behind that future.

When he’d infiltrated the Corpse Ghost’s space, it was obviously unexpected and surprising to find Diablo sitting there.

But one thing was clear.

He could have killed Diablo on the spot. Even when considering the fact that the other beings present might have tried to prevent it, it might have been worth a shot.

In order to actually change the future, he should have done it.

But he hadn’t. He didn’t do it. He didn’t kill Diablo.

Was it because he cared about what he’d said?

That Knights brought huge changes to the World of Void whenever they appeared.

That this place would be the battlefield where the Great Game commenced.

…The things he spoke about caught his attention.

However, what did those things mean to him?

Crunch.

He clenched his fist.

Of course, he was sure that if he’d tried to destroy Diablo, the ones sitting there would not have continued to watch silently. Maybe even Pale who sat beside him would get involved. Even after acquiring so much information, her identity was still a mystery for him.

-No. Not that.

That didn’t matter.

The Corpse Ghost, one of the Twelve Void Lord, the unidentified Pale, none of that mattered. He didn’t care about what Diablo was talking about or the Great Game.

At that moment, he was only stopped because of an instinctive reluctance. He thought that killing Diablo on the spot wouldn’t solve anything.

You could call it instinct, sixth sense, or intuition.

If he had killed Diablo then, things would have become more complicated.

My purpose, what I want.

It was to protect the future of those who were from the same fundamental universe…

* * *

…Was that really true?

Were they really worth it?

No one would remember my sacrifice anyway. They don’t even know that I’m struggling here, or that I’ve thrown away something that I cherished for billions of years. (TL: Yes this is first person.)

In the end, even if I manage to change the future and protect them at the last moment, all that awaits me is extinction.

No one would even remember my death.

Because they already forgot about me.

So even if I don’t save them, I won’t receive their resentment or hatred.

“…”

A disgusting desire filled my mind.

And I realised what I really wanted.

I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be sacrificed.

I still want to live.

“Insects, trash, motherfuckers.”

“Those guys that forgot me, those ungrateful guys who forgot me after I saved them.”

“Do I have to die for those guys? Hahaha….”

“Seriously, that joke isn’t even funny.”

It wasn’t known whether this ‘Lukas’ voice came from the absorbed memories, or from an intense desire to survive that emerged after.

Clearly, I could not turn my eyes away from this desire. My ego wasn’t so strong now. I could only do my best to not go crazy while protecting the few remaining ‘I’s from the constantly echoing voice.

I looked into myself a bit more.

Why I still wanted to live despite becoming so disgustingly hideous. And where the root of that shameless desire was.

I didn’t have to look for a long time before I realised.

I still had some attachment for myself.

Broken pieces, fragments of self love that I thought had been smashed and scattered still rolled around in my heart. So I wanted to live.

I thought I’d crossed the ‘line’ and completely lost all affection for myself, but that didn’t seem like the case.

Well. I’d started hating myself over 4,000 years ago, so I’d had a long time.

I decided to completely clean up all of the fragments of self love rolling around in my heart. To do that, it seemed like it would be a good idea to rely on the handful of pride left.

For example, something like this.

I would become irrelevant garbage.

I would become so repugnant that everyone who knew me would feel disgusted…

I made a small calculation.

I put my little remaining pride and the strong desire for survival on a scale and carefully compared them.

And yet, the side with the pride still had more weight. But the fact that the difference between them wasn’t that large made me less bitter.

All humans had dark desires. The desire to live was one of them.

I had suppressed that desire for a very long time. I firmly controlled my inner self, and I knew how to control my desires.

But I decided to not do that anymore.

I decided to release my dirty and primitive desires to my heart’s content.

Lucid had said it was as interesting as watching a play.

That’s wrong. I was the one who had been confused while thinking about countless Lucids, and it was me who had chosen a fighting style without magic.

And it was also me who craved flesh and blood like a monster.

Lucid’s flesh had been really delicious. My mouth watered just thinking about it.

“…urg.”

Although my nausea rose, I didn’t feel resistance. I graciously accept that fact.

Along with the sense of deliciousness, a feeling of disgust rose up my throat. I wanted to grab my throat and empty my stomach, but I didn’t.

It certainly worked. My desire to live had faded a bit. Although it was idiotic, it was proof that the method I was using wasn’t wrong.

I decided to continue maintaining this attitude.

Anyone who knew Lukas would be disgusted.

Again, this wasn’t an act. The appearance I was now showing was one of my true colours, and it was an image that I might have had if I had made slightly different choices.

It was a coincidence that I decided to use such an image at the end of my life.

Compared to me.

“Lucid, you.”

Nothing had changed.

His skin had become paler, his blood vessels had become stagnant, and his heart had gone cold, but he was still Lucid.

When I tore off my arm and gave it to him, he was insulted and angry. He hadn’t lost his pride. Even after everything, he still considered himself a Knight, and it was true.

He was amazing, I envied him. Although he was covered in black energy, his figure was still dazzling.

He wasn’t convinced that he’d become Diablo’s servant, but looking back, he had always been self-righteous. Even if there was a situation, he wouldn’t tell anyone.

Lucid obeyed Diablo without losing his ego. It was only at that moment that I realised he was acting. Although I’d shown anger at that time, I was actually happy.

If he was bowing his head to Diablo now, there had to be a reason. That was enough reason for me to be convinced.

At some point.

My mind was going to collapse. It was like a fate that couldn’t be avoided.

If I were to have one greedy wish, I wanted to die as I was.

The moment I met Lucid, a rough plan emerged in my head.

If I finished what I had to do, and I saw him again while I was still me, I would die by his hands.

And it would be the most perfect full stop to my life.

(TL: A rare short chapter.)