You Think I Won't Talk?-Chapter 71

’...’

I couldn’t take my eyes off of his fond gaze. His grey eyes looked at us with a mixture of sadness, comprehension, joy, respect, concern... even a bit of rage could be found in them. Yet... his love was so evidently driving those emotions inside him that... with every flicker of his eyelids, it renovated that strong glint that expressed said love.

In this world... In these times we are living... I wonder if they know that besides craziness... there are other mental illnesses that not only affect our actions but also our hearts...

Marianne’s Father certainly knows that her ailing... that her condition is not physical. He knows it is something deeper that hides in her heart that has made her like this...

Seeing how much he worries for us, to an extent that shocks me at times, I know he must have searched the whole world for a cure to whatever was causing Marianne’s new behaviours. From the memories she has shared with me, my girl used to be "normal" when she was younger. I’m not sure of how her condition manifested. If it was sudden or gradually... I completely ignore such details... But I am sure her father, would never leave her change, just go as if it was nothing.

The Duke knows that this isn’t a physical illness... and so, he has deduced that it is her heart that is ailing... And I know very well... that there is no magic concoction, medicine or surgery to cure it...

In the times I lived, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists and other experts existed who treated mental illnesses that also took the heart of the patient’s hostage in their disorders. With a diverse variety of treatments, advice sessions or even indicating certain medications... These people would help other people cope with their... condition.

Cope.

Cope and maybe, in the distant future, heal... However, that "maybe"... That uncertainty was often there in most cases.

The times this novel is set. Medieval times, where I can kind of perceive the lack in progress not only on society or technology... It is obvious to me, that here, the professionals that treated such illnesses... Even the definition I know of mental illness... does not really exist.

I even doubt they know the term entails such a broad spectre...

Regardless, her Father has a slight understanding of this. And knowing how difficult the way must have been in history to get the knowledge my generation had on everything health-related... I can’t believe how brilliant this man must be to be able to discern such ailments occur, that these things happen and are deeply hidden in people’s cores.

And most importantly... He is clever enough... to detect it in his daughter... and... I feel like... he... might actually comprehend it to some degree.

’... Anne... I don’t know if I should be happy that he is able to understand..... but... Isn’t it nice?... Your father... accepts you... just as you are.’

Somehow, I already knew it was like that. The Duke had already confirmed it so many times, that there was no space for doubts about his unconditional love for his daughter. Yet... our heart was overwhelmed once again.

Mine, because such acceptance was something I could never get before. And Marianne’s, because, once again, her old beliefs were proven wrong with the harsh and simple truth.

With a full heart, warm and ticklish from the amazement and rejoice we felt, we continued to stare at the eyes similar to ours. I felt like there were so many things stuck in our throat. Things Marianne wanted to say, maybe even scream were stuck there, immersing us in a strong longing to let them out... to no avail whatsoever.

The frustration was sure to drown us sooner or later, but unlike last time, the both of us fought against it.

Although no words came out, we did not avert our gaze to our failure and what’s more... thanks to the perseverance our synchronised souls were displaying... A random chance... was given to us by our capricious body. Those chances that had not risen even once after the Spring Ball... finally came at the right moment.

Feeling how the corners of our stiff lips almost creaked as they lifted slightly to shape them in the smile we wanted to gift the Duke, our face’ muscles followed, spreading the smile to our eyes, which I could tell were surrounded by a pink cloud of a blush forming on my cheekbones.

We were glad and grateful that this opportunity finally came. And seeing how his eyes went round as they watched our expression change... tears of happiness menaced to fall from our eyes.

"... Marianne..."

We noticed his little tremble as his hands approached us... and as our name came out from him with difficulty in a raspy whisper... He showed us the same torn smile.

"... That’s right, my child.... Your Father understands..... So.... Keep smiling my sun..... Because with just seeing this gorgeous smile of yours.... No one in this world would ever feel disappointed, my oh so beautiful child–"

Trying to muffle his lips trembling, the tears that threatened us to overflow... dropped from his eyes. The Duke couldn’t hold his emotions inside any longer. And even though the unstoppable flood of tears continued to flow... He refused to close his eyes.

I could tell that just like I did that time I met the real Marianne in the mirror... He didn’t want to miss any moment of our manifestation.

Our hands wrapped his, as they took careful hold of our visage. The trembling of his big palm, and its coldness, were quickly transmitted through the touch. Our heart, felt heavy seeing how he battled the emotions he was already showing, for them to not escalate further. The red shade framing his glassy eyes made his tiredness evident.

I could tell that this tiredness... must have come from how much he had been waiting to see this view. His gaze looked at every little detail, to then stop for a few seconds and watch into our eyes, to then, once again make sure our expression was real, going through our demeanour one more time.

At some point, he finally closed his eyes and let out in a long sigh.

"I... Dear..."

The sound of him gulping down as he took a pause reached our ears. He was struggling to say his next words.

"... You..... Your happiness... means EvRithinG to mE... If I haD KNown.... TodAy I would recIeVE... Th..is... PreCio–us Sight..."

He took long breaths to calm down as he finished. His voice had broken, implying the pain of what was left to say in his fading voice.

"..... I would have prepared this weak old heart... to watch it without these cursed tears clouding it..."

With a weak, hushed, croaky whisper... The Duke lamented how his feelings were hindering his view of us... And bringing himself closer, a soft kiss on our forehead was received.

"I love you, sweetie..... No matter what... Never forget that Marianne."

Returning his gaze, we stared intensely at him.

While I couldn’t think of anything to say in response to the sweet words he had laid bare to us with his characteristic warmness and fond expressions... Something within our body was growing steadily fast... Marianne’s presence was so... So strong... It felt maddening how heated our fingertips became in tickles. It was like our body was full of life... As if its blood was finally reaching every corner of our body... Our usually numb body felt awake for the first time.

Everything was so overwhelming... That even our sights became brighter.

Confused by what we were experiencing, I kept looking blankly at the Sir in front of me.

Probably, not even a second had passed while I perceived all of these new reactions, because... as a reply to his sayings... a clear and loud thought... answered him.

The voice I had once barely managed to listen... resounded in our head. The beautiful dulcet voice that had made me shed tears of joy once... said a heartfelt sentence to the man who was her Father...

’... I... Love you too... Dad....’

Along the words played in our mind, our expression continued to transform into a wider smile without me noticing.

Our girl had taken the reins of our body and made the most out of it.

Without hesitation, my little baby red panda expressed herself to her father all on her own. The confidence that this time’s confirmation of her mistaken old beliefs had brought to her... was so intense that even the recurrent shyness she usually transmitted was nowhere to be found within us.

The certainty and bliss, as our eyes closed to enjoy the freedom Marianne was portraying, were powerful and admirable. I was so pleased to be able to share her feelings as she grows; proud that she was finally gaining strength after enduring so much all alone for years, and that with this... one more step has been taken outside the box, leading us to the hints she needs to find to get her complete freedom.

The delight filled me so much, that I was finally able to conceive a thought for my lovely girl.

’That’s right, sweetheart... That’s the way to go. Love the ones you love to the fullest, Anne. That way this happiness we feel now... won’t be a rare occasion anymore.’