Your Girlfriend Calls Me Daddy-Chapter 34 | Her Hips Are Bigger Than My Car And That Is Not A Metaphor

Chapter 34: 34 | Her Hips Are Bigger Than My Car And That Is Not A Metaphor

The Mercedes slowed to a crawl somewhere around Fifth and Harbor. Morning commute traffic in Century City normally moved at a decent clip. This was different. Cars weren’t moving at all.

I leaned forward. Looked past Marco through the windshield.

"What’s the holdup?"

"Incident at the intersection ahead, sir. Appears to be hero activity."

My phone buzzed twice. Emergency alert.

VILLAIN ACTIVITY REPORTED - SHORE DISTRICT

AVOID HARBOR AVENUE BETWEEN 3RD AND 8TH

THREE-STAR THREAT LEVEL - STAND BY FOR UPDATES

Three stars.

Not exactly end-of-the-world material, but enough that the NEA would have someone on it fast.

I pulled up the local news feed. Found the live stream immediately.

Channel 7 had a helicopter circling the intersection. Aerial view showed the problem in full.

A man.

Except calling him a man didn’t cover it anymore.

He stood forty feet tall. Maybe more. His body had expanded proportionally in every direction, maintaining human shape but scaling up like someone had cranked a dial past the point where physics should’ve stopped cooperating. Concrete cracked under his feet with each step. Cars looked like toys next to his ankles.

Gigantification Essentia.

Classic Flux Type. Temporary transformation that ended when the user ran out of juice or got knocked unconscious.

The problem was everything he could destroy before either of those things happened.

The camera panned left. Caught the hero engaging him.

Oh.

Oh yeah.

She looked tiny next to him. Normal height. Maybe five-seven. Dark purple bodysuit that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Blonde hair pulled back in a high ponytail. The suit covered her technically, but whoever designed it had priorities that didn’t include modesty.

As I watched, she planted her feet wide. Raised both arms.

Her body grew.

Not slowly. Not gradually.

She went from normal height to fifty feet in about two seconds flat. The bodysuit expanded with her. Thank god for support tech because otherwise this would’ve been a very different kind of news story.

The camera zoomed in.

Jesus Christ.

At fifty feet tall her proportions stayed exactly the same as they’d been at normal size. Which meant everything that had looked good before now looked good at a scale visible from low orbit.

Her chest alone was bigger than most sedans.

Her hips could’ve been used as parking spaces.

Her ass.

Her ass.

The camera got a side angle as she squared up against the giant villain. The suit stretched tight across curves that would’ve stopped traffic even without the whole kaiju thing happening.

I recognized her.

Titan. Three-star hero. Worked out of Vanguard Agency downtown. Known for gigantification Essentia that let her match size with other growth-type threats.

Also known for generating about ten thousand horny tweets every time she made the news.

Looking at her now I understood why.

The giant villain swung at her. She blocked with her forearm. The impact echoed loud enough that I heard it through the car windows. Shockwave rippled outward. Windows shattered in the buildings nearby.

Titan grinned.

Then she grabbed his wrist. Twisted. Threw him sideways into an empty parking structure.

The building didn’t collapse but it looked like it wanted to.

I kept watching.

This was going to take a minute. Gigantification users could tank damage like nobody’s business. Their mass scaled with their size, which meant hitting them was like punching a building. You needed either another giant or enough concentrated force to crack through.

Titan had the first option covered.

But the villain was fast. Faster than he should’ve been at that size.

He rolled. Came up swinging. Caught Titan across the jaw hard enough that her head snapped back.

She stumbled.

The camera followed her as she fell backward.

Directly toward the cars stuck in traffic below.

Including mine.

"Marco."

"I see it, sir."

He was already reversing. Other drivers had the same idea. Chaos erupted in both lanes as everyone tried to get clear.

Titan caught herself before she actually fell. Went down to one knee instead. Her hand hit the street three cars ahead of us. Asphalt cracked. The shockwave rocked the Mercedes hard enough that I felt it through the suspension.

She pushed herself back up.

The villain charged.

Titan met him head on. They grappled. Fifty feet of muscle and Essentia-enhanced strength versus forty feet of the same.

She was winning.

Barely.

He got an arm free. Swung wild. Connected with her ribs.

Titan grunted. The sound carried.

She didn’t let go.

Instead she twisted. Used his momentum against him. Threw him again.

This time he hit the ground hard enough that the entire street buckled.

The camera shook. Lost focus for a second. Came back showing Titan standing over him with one foot on his chest.

He wasn’t getting up.

She was breathing hard. Sweat made her suit shine under the morning sun. The camera got a close-up of her face as she looked up at the helicopter.

She smiled.

Waved.

The internet was going to lose its mind.

Then I noticed something.

The villain was still conscious. His eyes were open. His hands were moving.

Not a lot. Just enough.

He was reaching for her ankle.

Titan didn’t see it.

She was looking at the camera. Playing to the crowd. Professional hero doing professional hero things.

The villain’s fingers wrapped around her boot.

His body started growing again.

Fuck.

If he got big enough to throw her off balance this whole thing started over.

I watched his size tick upward. Forty-one feet. Forty-two.

Titan noticed.

Looked down.

Started to react.

Not fast enough.

He yanked.

Her foot slipped.

She fell.

Backward.

Directly toward the cars that hadn’t managed to get clear yet.

Including a school bus stuck two lanes over.

Nope.

I opened the car door. Stepped out into the street.

Marco called after me but I was already moving.

The fall was happening in slow motion from where I stood. Titan going down. Arms windmilling. Fifty feet of hero about to flatten a city block.

I looked up at her.

Focused.

Thought about gravity.

My eyes burned.

The purple glow activated. I felt it. Saw it reflected in the Mercedes’ window as I passed.

Gravity Jail locked on.

Not to Titan.

To the villain.

I pushed.

The weight hit him like a collapsing star.