Beers and Beards-Chapter 18Book 4: : The King of the Elves

My introduction to the elven Court was everything I could’ve hoped for.

As well as a massive disappointment.

The architecture was breathtaking, with the throne room sweeping up the full three stories to create an absolutely massive space. Like the final boss room of a Japanese RPG.

One of the walls was all stained glass, allowing a waterfall of colourful light to stream over the marble statues hanging from the walls and ceilings.

The far wall from where we’d entered was dominated by a dais leading up to a twisting silver tree with golden leaves. The throne was built into it, and swirling lines of filigree spread out from the steps leading up to it to twist and curl around the room like vines. The pure artfulness of the architecture put the greatest art nouveau architecture of Earth to shame.

It really drove home how utilitarian dwarven architecture could be. Joseph was right that this place screamed ‘Royalty’ way more than anything in Kinshasa.

Guards lined nearly every wall, spaced at five meter intervals. They all wore the same mithril armor, with a fluted helm and a leaf motif for the shoulder pads. They wielded longspears and stared straight ahead, ignoring us completely.

The elf who’d called us in – the Sergeant at Arms? – announced our presence. “Announcing His Lordship, Bartender Peter Roughtuff, Ambassador of The Nation of Crack and Forefather of Brewing, and His Lordship Merchant Joseph Stannard, Head of the Greybough Consortium and His Royal Majesty’s Ambassador the Nation of Crack!”

It was only my high Charisma that kept me from tripping over my own metal shod boots at that introduction! Beside me, Balin barely kept a snort in.

“You may enter!” A [Project Voice] enhanced call came from an even more-ornately armoured guard standing near the throne.

“Follow my lead,” Joseph whisper-hissed. “Balin, stay by the door.”

Joseph then strode forward, head down, keeping his eyes from the throne. I did the same, peeling away from Balin as he took up a position by the entryway.

As I edged forward, I got a better view of the elven nobility. Or at the very least, the elves I assumed were the elven nobility.

And here was where the disappointment set in. I’d been expecting satin gowned elves draped over every surface, their gleaming green skin a testament to good skin care. Goblets of elven wine held at cocky angles to mock and tempt me while they whispered behind fans made of phoenix feathers.

Instead, the majority of the nobility sat on the floor, watching us with looks of pure boredom. I even spotted one with his eyes completely closed; was he napping!? They were all dressed to the nines in fine cloth and supple leathers, but none jumped out at me quite like Prince Elijah had earlier.

And not a goblet to be seen, though a few were smoking long pipes, the smoke curling up to hover near the ceiling.

These were high elves only so far as their smoking habits were concerned. Yes, some had that ‘aura’ I associated with a high Charisma, and they looked self assured…

But they lacked the sense of strength and power I’d gotten from the Lord of Minnova, or Duke Barnes. Or any of the other high dwarven nobility.

They felt more like… Lord Blackbeard. Somewhat slovenly and egotistical. The feeling of status earned through nepotism rather than hard work.

And in a world with literal God given strength for those who showed excellence….

It was noticeable.

Heck, every single guard in this room felt stronger.

What was going on here?? I’d need to pry some more out of Joseph later.

We bowed at the appropriate distance, and then made the final approach. At this distance I was just able to make out the elven king, from below the neck. He was dressed in a green silk open-chested robe with white loose pants. He had a six pack. And a goatee. ȒÂ𝐍Ọ𝔟Ęs̩

And he was nothing compared to the dwarven King. That palpable pressure just wasn’t there, and when he yawned, I didn’t want to throw myself to the ground in terror. Psh, weak sauce!

The fancy guard next to the throne cracked his spear on the tile and spoke once more, “You stand before The Immortal Arborist, Speaker of Tree, Master of the Kododo Knights, and High King of Awemedinand, His Royal Majesty, Ezrael Bower!”

The King turned his attention on me, and I felt an invisible weight on my shoulders, much like I had when meeting the King of Crack.

Milestone Used

[Unbending] has prevented [Powerful Aura].

The pointy-eared bastard was using a cheat!!! Booooo!!! Maybe I should kill 'im! Maybe they'd get a decent King next time!

“We welcome you to Our court, Ambassador of the underworld,” The ‘imposing’ figure intoned. At least his voice was cultured and smooth.; a point in his favour, he had a lovely tenor. It was also slightly different from Joseph’s, closer to the Human accent – what I’d call ‘Cascadian’. That had to be the local ‘Archis Academy’ equivalent accent for those who’d spent a long time being educated.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” I said, not taking my eyes from the ground; Joseph still had his peepers nailed to the floor. “It’s a pleasure to be here.”

The King looked at his nails, not even sparing me a glance. “We understand that your King has placed you here to spread new brewing practices amongst His people in Our nation.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Know that We are allowing this, not only as a boon to Our dwarven peoples, but because We have taken a great interest in you.”

Phew, what a line! At least Wine and Dine me before telling me that! I kept a snicker down and after a beat, nodded.

The King stood from the throne and descended one step down the dais, then dropped his bombshell. “We understand from Our loyal Subject, that you are one of those Chosen by the Gods this time to serve as a Catalyst for change in Erd.”

Whoop, there it is! Thank you Joseph!

I nodded, using my high Charisma to tamp any emotion from my face. “Aye, Your Majesty.”

No point in lying; [White Lie] wouldn’t work on it, and he almost definitely had people with [Truespeech].

If the King was disappointed in my blase response to his ambush, he didn't show it. “From what world do you hail?”

It took me a beat. From what world??

Then it hit me. No duh there were other worlds. But since Harmsson, Berry, and now Joseph were all from Earth, it hadn’t occurred to me that there could be Chosen from other worlds running about. Maybe there were Chosen here from High Tech or Kung Fu worlds! Wouldn’t that be cool!

I glanced out of the corner of my eye at the other elven nobility. They looked moderately more interested in this thread of conversation.

Well, there went any chance of cover or plausible deniability.

Well, who cared! I was best buds with two Dukes, had a highly defensible dungeon, and the entire country of Crack behind me at this point. I could deal with it.

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Joseph had said to be cagey, right? How in tha Nether was I supposed to be cagey in these circumstances? I finally went with, “Earth, your Majesty.”

The King sniffed. “The same Earth as Joseph?”

That smelled like a test, and I barely kept from glancing at Joseph beside me. I considered my words for a millisecond before replying, “I wouldn't know, Your Majesty, Joseph hasn't spoken to me about his universe; I've only just learned that he even was one of the other Chosen. ‘Erd’ is named after the Erd as well, so it may be that many worlds name their planet after dirt.”

The King laughed, a tittering thing, and His Court followed a beat later. “Amusing. And which of the Gods do you serve?”

“Barck.”

“And for what purpose has Barck brought you here?”

Ah, there was a question to be cagey about. “He wishes for more to drink, your Majesty,”

The King barked another short laugh. “Hah! He has wine! What more could he want?”

I was about to retort when a little voice in the back of my head – my Charisma? – told me not to, so I just held my peace.

Plus, I kind of agreed with him.

“But that does seem in keeping with what We know of the Lucky One,” the King mused, “and from what We hear of your exploits in Crack, you have performed quite admirably in that regard thus far. Is Barck pleased with you?”

“I assume so.”

There was a beat of silence at that, and then the King walked back up to drape himself over his throne. There was a patter of feet as a servant ran up to pass him a drink in a big golden goblet.

I felt my mouth water. Was it wine? Could I have a sip?

He took a sip, then swirled the cup. “We have also heard that your people have not been overly kind to you. At least two riots? And you spent a few years in an internment camp.”

"Yes, Your Majesty.”

“And yet you have provided them with great wonders. New ‘Sacred Brews’, ‘Boomdust’, ‘Bottles’ and more.”

“Aye.”

“Consider Lord Ambassador Stannard, beside you here in Our presence. We saw his potential immediately, and granted him riches and power. We elves have long memories, and remember more than all other mortal races. As you no doubt saw when you arrived, dwarves are blind to the light, and fear the heights that success can bring. But we fear nothing! In Awemedinand, you can innovate with complete freedom, no matter what comes! We can provide you a safe place to do all the brewing you would wish, and gold to rival a Kingdom.”

I sent quiet fervent prayers to Joseph. Gods, this would’ve been a nightmare conversation if I hadn’t been mentally prepared.

The King’s voice dropped to a seductive whisper. “And We could grant you all the wine you would wish to drink.”

I kept from gasping, barely. Shit, was I addicted? Or was this just had to be how some dwarves felt about Sacred Brew all the time. Barck’s Beard, this trip was really turning into an eye opener.

“What say you, Lord Brewer?” The King continued. “Swear yourself Our Dwarf, and We shall grant you everything your heart desires.”

I’d been preparing an answer to that particular question since Joseph’s warning, so it came out easily. “I thank Your Majesty for Your kind offer, but my heart and loyalty belong to my beloved Crack. My clan awaits my return.”

The King drummed his fingers on his throne for a moment before trying another tack. “Your Kingdom has you rooming in the embassy does it not?”

“Aye.”

“That seems a waste for such a grand guest.” He snapped his fingers and a silken sarong'd dwarf elfess peeled off from the watchers and approached me in a sultry gait, blinking her eyelashes and twirling her beard coquettishly. She carried a silver platter with a piece of folded paper on it.

The King gestured at the platter while gauging my reaction. “Please, accept this as a token of Our friendship. A deed to Lands and a Manor in The Boughs. It would be a shame for the Forefather of Brewing to welcome guests in a shabby embassy in the Roots! It will be yours in perpetuity, even if you should leave Tree.”

There was shocked whispering amongst the courtiers as the elfess held the platter out to me.

I gulped. My greed itched, but it smelled like a trap, even if I didn’t know what kind. “Ahem, Yer Majesty. I regret that I am forbidden from acceptin’ any gifts in my official capacity. I appreciate yer generosity, but I'm afraid I must decline.” I slammed my closed fist on my chest in a dwarven salute.

“You would refuse Our gift?” The King said, his tone rising, and the pressure in the room rising.

Milestone Used

[Unbending] has prevented [Intimidation].

“Aye.” I kept the growl out, but barely. “I owe much to the Dukes and my King, and I have given them my loyalty.” That's right, just appeal to an irrelevant authority! Always does the trick.

The pressure stayed on for another few seconds, and then the King relaxed. “A pity,” he sighed. “But loyalty is a virtue, is it not.”

He waved the elfess away and she returned to her spot on the sidelines. His voice rose to be officious. “We welcome you to Our city, Lord Ambassador of Crack. Lady Laurelstone has been assigned to your protection and will serve as your guide while you remain. You shall want for nothing, simply ask Lady Laurelstone. Perhaps you shall change your mind during your time in Our beloved Tree.”

I knocked my head on the ground. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“And Lord Stannard, it pleases us that you have brought us this Chosen,” the King said, finally turning his attention from me. “You shall be rewarded as promised. You are henceforth given the rank of Count, and lands to the East. We understand you have also brought another Chosen? This Raspberrysyrup?”

Joseph shifted. “Yes, Your Majesty. She has deigned to take me as a suitor.”

There was a swell of laughter in the crowd, until the King raised his hand, silencing the room. “If that is the case, We have no need to see her. Escort her to the Spring ball, that We might meet her there. We wish you the Luck of Barck and Yearn in your suit. Should she stay, you shall be duly rewarded further.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty, but her love is reward enough.” Joseph said, an edged smile on his face.

Phew, what a line! The elf rose a notch in my estimation.

The King frowned. “It seems that Our gifts have lost their luster, given that they have been refused twice today. Is she truly worth my displeasure?”

A single bead of sweat ran down Joseph's bowed forehead and dripped onto the ground. “Yes, your Majesty.”

The King considered Joseph before smiling as well. “Then cherish her, and may Yearn bless your Union. We shall offer you Our palace chapel for your wedding should you desire it.”

“Thank You, Your Majesty.”

“Think nothing of it. Now, We must deal with other matters. Good day to you both.”

The King made a gesture with his hand, and the Guard at the foot of the dais shouted, “You are dismissed!”

“Back up slowly, keep your head down.” Joseph muttered as he stood and bowed, then walked slowly backwards, reversing the exact motions that we’d made when we first approached. When we reached the door, the Sergeant at Arms held it open for us and we turned and walked out, followed by a shell-shocked Balin.

As we did, a notification popped up with a *Bing!*

Quest Complete: The Ambassador Part 2/3!

You made it! Now make some wine!

Gained [Karmic Reversal x 1]!

*Bing!*

New Quest: The Ambassador Part 3/3!

Go to the Winery!

Winery Visited: 0/1

Rewards: +0.2 Dexterity, +0.2 Agility

Do you accept?

Yes / No

I hit ‘yes’, then immediately collapsed on the couch. “Argh! What by all tha bits o’ tha Gods was that!”

“Court,” Joseph said, shrugging. “It reminds me of the Medici. Pompous, with the self-assurance that comes from those destined for power. As for the rest of it, there’s a reason for it. I’ll tell you later.”

I eyed him, then gave him a two-fingers-to-the-temple salute. “Your forewarning really saved me. I owe you one. Thanks.”

Joseph smiled. “I graciously accept your debt.”

I narrowed my eyes. “... Greedy Venetian bastard.”

“New World Barbarian.”

We glared at each other for a beat then broke into laughter.

“I don’t get tha’ joke,” Balin sighed, then collapsed face first into the couch beside me.

“Ach, good job brother,” I murmured, patting him on the back. Balin had always been a royalist, and extremely weak to nobility. He flashed a thumbs up but didn’t move.

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“Our first stop will be your embassy,” Joseph said, gesturing at the door. “You should rest there. No doubt it’s been a busy day for you.”

I agreed, so we swept out the doors, picked up the two ladies and our weapons, and then wound our way back through the palace to our Kododos.

I was numb for the rest of the trip to the embassy, and barely even registered when we arrived. There was a welcoming committee, and bottles of beer, and some eager diplomats, but all I could focus on was the thought of a dark hole and a warm bed. As soon as I was escorted to my quarters, I shut the door behind me, and opened the door to Cascadia. As I stepped through the ornately carved door, golden light washed over me, and with one stride, I stepped from a strange land into the familiar sounds and smells of the Thirsty Goat.

There was a cheer as my clan stood arrayed by the entrance, awaiting my return. A sign hanging from the first floor balcony read. “Welcome home Balin and Kirk! And Pete!”

The last bit was painted on like an afterthought. Aqua’s touch, probably.

I was home.