Beers and Beards-Chapter 37Book 4: : Balin – Rumble in the Palace

The golden doorway stood before the assembled adventurers, the beating in their hearts matched only by the beating of drums as the [Skalds] activated buff Abilities. Balin sent another glance back up the stairs to see if he could get one last view of his beloved Annie, but all he could see was metal, leather, and the grim faces of people who knew they were likely about to die.

He turned to the young gelf beside him. The youth’s face was wan, and his leg was thumping with nervous energy. He was well armoured, and had shining new equipment, so he looked very much like the young master of a wealthy house, trying his hand at adventuring.

“What’s ‘yer name, lad?” Balin whispered.

The boy gulped. “Jacob of House Branche, sir Goldenlight.”

“Is this yer first time fightin’ monsters? Have you ever been in tha’ dungeon?”

“No sir, my team was finishing the paperwork to go to Greentree. We were,” He hiccuped, and tears came to his eyes, “we were going to leave in a week. But now… they, they didn’t make it out.”

Balin’s heart dropped. A feeling he was used to at this point. From what they were able to parse There’d been surprisingly few deaths, but that didn’t mean there were NO deaths. Between a headcount and reports sent in from Tree, the Tender Sprites had focused on gathering magical items, and pushing people out of the palace. Even then, most of the actual deaths were from more beastly monsters like the Braircrows and the Deathsquirrels.

Balin patted the boy on the shoulder. “What’s that you elves always say? You can always live again? We’ll make sure ya get home.”

The young adventurer wiped an arm across his face. “Thank you sir, but I can handle myself.”

“Has yer family been by?”

The boy looked pleased. “Yes sir. My parents sent the butler through the Boughs door to tell me they were worried about me.”

Balin choked. “That’s ah – kind of ‘em.”

“Indeed, sir!”

“When we charge in there – don’t get distracted, keep yer shield in front, and a partner at yer back. Got that? ”

“Yes, sir!”

Balin turned to face forward again as mutters began moving through the crowd. Even without checking his pocket-watch he could feel it; it was nearly time.

Starshine came up beside him, her mithril helm down and her massive maul at the ready. “Raptor’s Respite is heading left out the portal. You and I are going right. Team Thinktwice will go out the front. Some of the temporary walls we set up are still standing, so we’re clearing the space around the portal, and then the rearguard will do their best to keep and hold it until we close the rift. The army will begin their assault just a few moments before our own, and hopefully it will be enough to keep the Sprites and their minions off us until we close that damn rift.”

Upon hearing his team name, Prince Elijah sauntered over, looking as self-assured as always.

“If you don’t mind sharing that lovely golden weapon buff with us, since most of your party isn’t here, I’d really appreciate it,” he asked Balin.

“Aye, soon as we’re about ta head out the door,” Balin agreed. “I want it to last as long as possible.”

Elijah leaned in close, so only Balin could hear him over the din of preparations. “Think you could petition your brother to ask his buddies up on the Mount to keep us safe? I still can’t believe he did that!”

Balin grunted. “All of tha bloody nobles in Tree knew about that already. How did you not?”

Elijah shrugged. “It’s one thing to hear about it through the noble grapevine. It’s another to see it for myself. From what I’ve gleaned about these Chosen Catalysts, not many of them have ever casually gotten a wish answered by a God in public.”

“Aye, Pete’s special, now shaddup and get in position.”

Speaking of his brother, Pete pushed through the crowd, Annie at his side.

“You stay safe, Balin.” Pete thumped a fist on Balin’s breastplate. “Gods, I’d feel better if you had more serious firepower going with you. Like Berry or somethin’.”

Balin shrugged. “She’ll be providin’ her skill with magic to the army. I’d rather have her bombardin’ ‘em somewhere we aren’t meself. We’re just lucky she and Joseph got out the other way.”

Annie seemed tongue tied as she stared at him, twisting her beard.

“Me love – “ Balin began. Then was interrupted as Annie dove forward and pulled him into a deep kiss. Her beard scratched at his nose in that way that he loved and he was lost in a moment of time.

Then it was over as she pulled away, her hands grasping his collar. “You come back alive Balin Roughtuff. You promised to marry me, and by Midna’s Mangy Mullet you’d better fulfil your promise!”

Elijah tittered and stepped back into Raptor’s Respite’s scrum. At the same time, a murmur went up as news passed forward that it was time.

“We gotta go,” Pete said, pulling Annie away. “Go rock their socks off, Brother.”

“Fifteen seconds!” The general called from somewhere at the back.

“You ready?” Starshine asked, her voice calm as ice.

“As ever,” Balin said firmly.

The makeshift army began to count down, and they were soon joined by the watching family members until it was an almighty din. “Ten – nine – eight – SEVEN – SIX – FIVE – FOUR – THREE – TWO – ONE – FOR TREE AND ANNIE!”

And then they pushed through the portal. Balin and Elijah at the front, grinning like goats. Since they were using the Thirsty Goat for their staging ground, the adventurers had secretly decided on something special for their battlecry. Balin imagined he could hear his love’s pained outrage, but it was probably his imagination.

The world on the other side of the portal was more mundane than Balin had envisioned. For some reason he’d been expecting a dungeonized environment, with trees creeping up the walls and the cloying feeling of strong Mana.

Instead, what greeted them was a building much the same as they’d left it. In fact, it was even cleaner tha before, as most of the dead had been elves. Some were regrowing even now, sprouting up as shrubs all over the ballroom.

Balin roared as they charged into the room, “[Golden Armament]! [Rally]!”

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He felt a surge of strength as other area-wide buffs were activated by Raptor’s Respite and Thinktwice.

They were met with a mere token resistance, as a single Tender sprite sat on guard. The monster gave off an air of complete and total surprise, just long enough for Balin to put a glowing axe spinning through its head with a mighty overhead throw.

One of Thinktwice’s members, a human wielding a bow, shouted, “[Retrieve]!” and the axe spun through the air to slap back into Balin’s hand.

“That’s handy,” Balin remarked.

“So is that buff. Most of our weapons don’t do much against the Tenders, so you focus on them and we’ll handle everything else,” the giant replied, before running with his team to set up a perimeter around the portal.

People of every type streamed through the portal, some with the careful steps of seasoned adventurers, others with the manic energy that could only come from someone protecting their home. Soon the slip-shod fortress was once again full of defenders, the more handy of whom got to work repairing the walls.

Just in time, as the Tender Sprites began to arrive en-mass.

The first to hit the wall were a dozen Briarcrows, but their soul-sucking cries were rebuffed by the now fully prepared [Psions] and [Telepaths] in the makeshift army.

“ELF! Where’s our Godsdamn BACKUP!” The leader of Thinktwice, a white nosed and heavily scared beastfolk screamed above the din. “Isn’t your army supposed to be distracting them!?”

“I don’t FUCKING KNOW!!!” Prince Elijah screamed back, as a Briarcrow swooped down at them. A mage managed to nail it with a fireball, and the bird careened down into the walls, nearly as dangerous as a dumb projectile as it had been alive.

Balin watched with trepidation as more and more Tender Sprites began filtering in, their minion monsters herded ahead of them. A carpet of green was beginning to form from the sheer mass of Deathsquirrels gathering in the outer halls. They began making probing assaults, seeking out weakness in the walls.

“I don’t like this,” he grumbled to Starshine. “Monsters? Usin’ tactics?”

As if to drive the point home, a gangly mass of vines on two spindly legs stumbled forward out of the Sprite lines. The Vine Elemental fiddled with something, then hurled something in a wobbly arc at the adventurers.

The object sparkled as it flew, fluttering open to reveal a sparkling ruby pendant on a golden chain. It fell short of the walls by a dozen paces.

There was a ripple of laughter, followed by shouts of alarm as the pendant detonated, leaving a five meter crater in the floor of the ballroom. Bits of rubbled rained down on their army as a brief, painful shower.

The mage in Prince Elijah’s party turned white. “That was an overloaded enchanted item. Are they turning all those stolen magic items into explosives!? How!?”

“By all the Bits of the Gods, what is the army doing!?” Elijah ground out. “They were supposed to start hitting the palace before we arrived!”

As if in answer, there was a *BOOM!!!* overhead, and a pane of the stained glass roof shattered, showering the ballroom in shards of broken glass. Calls of “[Aegis!]” went up, and protective domes snapped into place.

A moment later, bright lights flashed overhead, and more ear shattering explosions rocked the palace.

“Looks like they’ve begun,” Starshine sighed. “Better late than never.”

The line of Tender Sprites rippled with surprise, then slowly began to withdraw, leaving behind a token resistance of Deathsquirrels and Vine Elementals.

Elijah pointed to the hallway where the line of monsters was still thickest. “That’s the way to the rift. Looks like your brother was right. Time to go!”

“I’ll clear a path!” Starshine said eagerly. “Ready?”

Raptor’s Respite stood at the ready, Elijah in the lead, and the two giant tanks standing on either side. “Yes,” Elijah intoned.

“[Bloody Steps], [Unstoppable Charge]!” With a shout of her Abilities, Starshine burst out from behind the fortifications. The newly made [Thunderfoot Juggernaut] charged forward, her every step carrying her faster and faster until she was a blur. When she hit the line of monsters, she didn’t so much hit them as run them over, like a carriage hitting a rat. Her footprints were embedded in the stone, and every emerald squirrel she ran over turned into a bloody mist.

“Yech. Gods spare me from [Juggernauts],” Elijah complained as the rest of the ‘Portal Team’ moved forward. They stepped into the breach, and the horde swept down upon them.

Balin and Raptor’s two tanks stood at the fore in a triangle formation, Balin’s new [Shield Wall] Milestone providing extra defense for his neighbours. Elijah was like a hunting hawk, swooping in and out between his stoic guardians, striking out at any monster that threatened to enter their protective encirclement. The VIP, a greybearded dwarven [Antimage] stood in the very center of the formation, trying to look inconspicuous.

Respite’s Mage, a dapper gnome with a penchant for wisecracks, sent burst after burst of electricity pouring through the frothing monsters. Anything still standing after he was done got an arrow to the head for the trouble, courtesy of their party’s beastess archer.

Then there was Starshine, running around them in a circle of death. If she stopped, she’d surely be buried under the tide of writhing green and white bodies, but any time she looked like she was about to be halted in her tracks, an arrow or a burst of lighting cleared her way.

Behind them, the army began to fan out, clearing out any monsters they’d missed, and keeping the way back clear. They had orders to fall back if things got too tight, but hopefully the main assault outside would keep the Tender’s attention.

It felt like hours, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes before they found themselves at a plain janitor’s closet. To get here, they’d had to cut through the largest number of Tender Sprites yet. The blasted things had been armed with more exploding items, and it was only through the intervention of Starshine’s [Emergency Shield] and the human’s [Aegis] that they’d managed to survive. Not without cost though, as Raptor’s archer had been sent back to the portal, seriously injured.

“I really want to bring you along to Anima Dungeon,” Elijah gasped with exertion, as they paused before the still-closed door. “This golden weapon buff of yours is amazing at dealing with Spirit monsters. I’m usually forced to wait for my cooldowns to come off, but with this buff I can just keep going!”

“Aye it’s great,” Balin agreed. “Everyone ready? I’ve got a few more healin’ potions left.”

“[Immortal Regeneration]’s about done,” the helf tank said brightly. “I can feel my arms again!”

“Then I think we’re good. We don’t know what we’ll find in there, so we’re going in hot!” Elijah said, gripping the door handle. He waited until everyone gave him the ready sign, then continued, “Ready! GO!”

So saying he yanked the door open, and Balin and Starshine charged forward. They caught a quick glimpse of slimy writhing flesh, white steam, and a head-sized pulsing angry crimson eye. The stench of something rotting too long in the sun wafted out of the closet, almost a palpable force on its own. Balin felt an itching in his head that grew, and grew, and GREW.

Then they bounced off the suddenly closed door, as Elijah slammed it shut. Well, mostly bounced; Starshine left a dent.

Balin held his ringing head in his hands. “Why in Aaron’s Fancy Freckled Arse did ya do that? And what was that!?”

“Was that Tentaclio?” Their gnomish mage asked, aghast. “What’s a boss doing in a janitor’s closet in the palace!?”

“Cleaning?” Elijah raised a sardonic eyebrow. “He’d be an amazing maid. All those prehensile tentacles.”

“But for the stench,” the gnome agreed.

“Why did it have to be Tentaclio,” the [Antimage] moaned.

“Tentaclio? The second strata Boss?” Starshine asked with rapidly mounting horror. “I’ve heard of him. Hasn’t your team killed him before? We can take ‘im!”

“Yeeesss, but truth is sometimes couched in lies.” Elijah shivered. “No Adventurer that has ever fought Tentaclio tells the full story of fighting Tentaclio.”

Starshine frowned. “Why? Is he too strong?”

“No. Quite weak, really. But you tend to avoid him once you’ve fought him. Unfortunately, he’s in the way, so we don’t have a choice.”

So saying, Elijah grabbed the handle of the door again. “Tentaclio precautions everyone. Long sleeves, no yelling, bite your teeth, and clench your cheeks.”

Balin reached up and rubbed his cheeks. “What?”

“Wrong cheeks,” Elijah muttered, and threw open the door once more.