Beers and Beards-Chapter 81Book 4, : Winning at Life

4 Months Later

We popped out of the Nether with a sound not unlike a lemon being squeezed. Mirelda shivered as we took a moment to re-orient ourselves. “I know I was looking forward to seeing that, but it gets real old real fast.”

I guffawed. “Hey, it’s just a one hour walk through infinite darkness. Whatsamatter?”

Mirelda shivered. “Do you ever feel like there’s something… watching you? Just out of sight?”

I pulled at my beard. “Mmm… nope. But now I’m going to feel it every time. Thanks for that!”

“You’re welcome!” Mirelda laughed, then gripped her bare shoulders. “Phew! It’s a lot colder here than it was back in South Erden! Even with chi to keep the cold off.”

“I mean, we are underground, technically. Maybe you should’ve worn something warmer?”

“This is my best dress!” Mirelda sniffed, spinning in place. Her ice-blue sleeveless gown sparkled as it spun around her, and I clapped appreciatively.

“Excusez? Are you here for the wedding?” A quiet voice chirped from down by my elbow. I looked down with surprise to see a little beaven in a tuxedo. It was holding a clipboard and doing its best to look officious. “We’re asking that guests please head to the tavern and wait for further instructions. If not, I’m afraid the Thirsty Goat is closed for a private event.”

“Ahh!! It’s so cute!” Mirelda gasped, clearly holding back from scooping the fuzzy creature up into her arms.

“Pardonne, my name is Jacques. Not it.” The beaven replied tartly, then his beady eyes widened. “Dungeon Master! I didn’t recognize you! Please, please! Come in!”

I just kept from reaching down to pat his head. “Thanks, Jacques.”

Mirelda and I swept into absolute chaos. The main floor of the Thirsty Goat was more packed than I’d ever seen it, and mostly with dwarves too, which was a change from the usual eclectic mix.

Looking out over the crowd, I could pick out many people that I recognized. Duke Schist and Duke Barnes were both holed up in the VIP section, along with Tourmaline, Opal and a few other nobles I’d met before. Several of the adventurers partying in the back corner were recognizable, the Red Dragon Adventurers and the wolf-whatevers among them.

I realized with a moment of shock that there actually was a red dragon with the Red Dragon Adventurers! A white-skinned red-haired dragon-man wearing a set of plate mail and towering over the rest of the attendees. He let out a snort of flame at something one of his fellows said, to vocal complaints from the rest of the adventurers.

There were also a few miners that I vaguely remembered from the reform mine, toasting beers and singing bawdy drinking songs in the center of the room. Guildmaster Malt and Guildmaster Monk were right in the middle of them, singing off-key at the top of their lungs. I recognized Master Brewer Crackle as well, and gave a wave. He gave a wave back and raised a glass, before being mobbed by a trio of drunken gnomes. A harried looking Rosie Digger ran over to clean up the mess before shrieking for Bando.

I briefly wondered if Sam or Drum would be here, then decided probably not. They were still on the run after all, and showing up here when there was a bunch of nobility and their guards was probably a bad idea.

For every dwarf I recognized, there were a dozen I didn’t, which was a solid reminder that Balin and Annie were the personable ones in the Thirsty Goat family. They had an entire life outside of the brewery that I really didn’t know much about.

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I spotted someone nearby that I recognized and waved. “Oy! Is that Rumbob! Hey Rumbob!”

“Ho Ho Ho! Is that you, Pete? Oy, Beatbox, Pete’s here!”

The squirrely gnome with the horseshoe moustache and slicked back hair jumped up on his seat to see over the crowd and waved. He was dressed in what could best be described as ‘dress overalls’. “About time! Aqua was looking for you!”

I chuckled. “Of course she was.”

“Who’s the lovely lady?” Rumbob asked with a knowing look, his [Tavernic Matchmaker] intuition doubtlessly kicking in.

“This is Mirelda.”

Mirelda gave a little head bob. “Hello, nice to meet you.”

“Hoho! Good thing Emerelda isn’t *oof*!” Beatbox began and abruptly stopped as Rumbob elbowed him in the gut.

“Please come and join us here Miss Mirelda! We’d love to hear what Pete’s been up to the past while! I hope he was well behaved! Ho ho ho!”

Mirelda gave me a questioning look, and I nodded. “Sure. Stick here with them while I go find Balin.”

She gave me a peck on the cheek. “Have fun, and don’t cause any trouble.”

“Trouble? At my brother’s wedding? Perish the thought!”

—

I used my map to dodge everyone I could as I navigated the tunnels in the Goldstone compound. I couldn’t avoid everyone, but the only people I ran into were the occasional Herder-Goldstones running errands for Aqua or Bran. So I was able to reach my destination with little interruption.

“The fun has arrived!” I declared with a sing-song tone as I swung the door to the cave open with great aplomb.

“Pete!” Balin shouted with joy, as he tried to rise to his feet. He was dressed in a fine set of studded leather suit-armour with mithril shoulderpads and adamantine and golden accents. Jewelry shone and sparkled on his ears and knuckles, while a large silver chain around his neck completed the ensemble.

“None of that!” The dwarven bearddresser declared, as he thwacked Balin in the knee. Balin sat back down with an eep of pain. “You’ll ruin the braid. Stop moving!”

“You made it, brother!” Balin said with a grimace as the bearddresser roughly brushed his handlebar moustache.

“Of course I made it.” I glowered. “I would’ve been here earlier, if you lot hadn’t told me not to. I could’ve helped prepare!”

Balin looked askance. “You had those tickets to that thing…”

“Still! I had so many grand plans for me brother's wedding!”

“But you were havin’ so much fun…”

“This is fun too! I don’t know why Aqua couldn’t – ”

“I’m sorry! It was my idea!” Balin interrupted, his tone desperate.

I paused in my hot indignation. “What?”

“I wanted ta surprise you. This is gonna be yer first dwarven wedding, and it would’ve been ruined if’n you’d helped with tha prep.” Balin muttered, looking down at the floor. “After everything that’s been happenin’ fer tha’ last decade I wanted you to enjoy yer time off fer once, and then come see tha’ show with fresh eyes. We all remember our first dwarven weddin’, and it’s somethin’ to see.”

I stared at my brother with wide eyes. Then my gaze softened. “You didn’t need ta do that, Balin.”

Balin nodded vociferously. “Aye. I did. We’re joining tha’ Goldstone clan, so they’re supposed ta be handlin’ most of tha work anyway. Pretty sure you would’ve been wedgin’ yerself in there somehow, and I want you and Jeremiah alive ta see me and Annie wedded.”

I pulled a chair up and sat on it backwards. “I can see how ya might think that. You sure you don’t need me to be your best man?”

Balin shook his head. “See? This is what I’m talkin about. Yer a dwarf, not a man. And dunno why ya need ta be ‘best’ anythin’ at my wedding.”

I chuckled. “Point taken. Then is there anything I need to do?”

Balin nodded. “When they ask fer tha’ clan representatives, ya just need to stand where and when they tell ya to.”

“I can do that.”

“Are you both done chatting and and being distracted?” The bearddresser sniped.

“Ach, sorry Mcbeardy. You go back up there Pete. Say hullo to everyone for me!”

“Can do. And Balin? I’m proud of you.” I stood and patted my brother on the shoulder.

Then I gave him one last tweak on his moustache, and fled before Mcbeardy could make good on his threats to shiv me with his razor.