Beers and Beards-Chapter 83Book 4, : A Beginning and an End

Not for the first time, I looked around the enormous cave and gave a nod of approval. This was the biggest room that our hired dwarven miners and [Mattershapers] had painstakingly dug out of the stone (with the aid of Boomdust, of course!). It’d taken the better part of a year to do, and it still wasn’t quite done yet!

The arched ovular cavern stretched nearly one hundred meters long and fifty meters wide, with colannades running each direction splitting the room roughly into thirds. Flying buttresses ran to and fro as well, giving the space a feeling not unlike a cathedral. Bright Solstones inset along said buttresses helped fill the space with a cheery light and drove out any possible perception of a cold dank cave.

Since we were rapidly on our way to becoming one of the most powerful dwarven clans on Erd, Annie and I hadn’t spared any expense on what would one day become our grand ballroom. Fine stonework, fine art, and every other kind of finery were displayed throughout, giving it an opulent and yet still uniquely dwarven feeling.

Not that I had any eyes for it.

I fidgeted at the front of the cavern, uncomfortably adjusting my shoulderpads. There had to be a thousand silently appreciative people sitting in rows upon rows of benches lined up facing a large stage at the front of the cave. An altar to the Gods had been set up in the center of it, with miniature representations of Barck, Midna, Archis, Yearn, Aaron, Tiara, Lunara and Solen. A black iron anvil had been set up in front of the altar as well, and a dwarven [Priest] in white robes stood behind it, droning on about ‘Gifts from the Gods’ and ‘Cycles of Love and Reincarnation’.

Balin stood on one end of the stage, all dressed up in his fine suit armor, holding a large ceremonial two-handed hammer and looking nervous. His handlebar moustache was grander than the day I’d first met him, and his beard was done up in an extra-long ducktail style complete with several emerald inset silver bangles for ornamentation. It really helped his red-hair pop.

Annie stood at the other end, dressed in shining chain-mithril with more diamond encrusting than a De Beers ad, and looking radiant as her golden bearded tresses thrummed with some kind of light-enhancing enchantment. Her beard was done up in traditional dwarven knotwork, with brass and gold beads. She also bore a warhammer, a near twin to Balin’s.

I felt a tear come to my eye, watching Balin shuffle with pent-up energy while the [Priest] moved onto legal matters – Balin nodded his head nervously when asked if he was doing this under duress – to general laughter – then shook it vigorously when he’d realized his mistake.

I couldn’t help feeling a combination of both pride and loss, watching my brother up there.

Balin was the first dwarf I’d met in this world, and inarguably the most important person in my new life. Truly, without him, I would probably have ended up… well, not here, that was for sure. Maybe I’d be a mine laborer, or a gnomish cafe worker, or just plain in and out of jail for brewing illegal beer.

But because of him, I was able to welcome several hundred friends and family into my multinational inter-dimensional dungeon, while I spent my free time touring the world with a beautiful woman by my side.

Looking at him, getting all nervous, I felt reminded of my marriage to Caroline and felt a twinge of regret that I’d never get to take Sammy down the aisle. I hadn’t even had time to think about my old life on Earth in months. I still kind of wanted to know how things had ended up for Caroline and Sammy, but… life was life, and time healed all wounds. Besides, now I knew there was something that came after.

Maybe one day they’d even end up on Erd.

I was almost definitely sure by now that Barck was joking about Caroline ending up in Penelope, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t end up somewhere else on Erd. Or maybe she’d end up yucking it up with Dionysis, or whoever the true God of alcohol was back on Earth.

The dwarven [Priest] coughed, adjusted his beard, and declared, “Let the clans of these two dwarves stand and bear witness to their joining!”

I realized that was my cue and stood on suddenly weak legs. I was alone on Balin’s side, a grim reminder of where we Roughtuffs had come from. On Annie’s side of the aisle, Aqua, Johnsson, John, Jeremiah, and Aqua’s family all stood as one, along with a full contingent of Herders and every other new clan member they’d inducted over the past several years.

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“Do either of the clans have a standing Feud or bad blood that may stain this marriage?” The [Priest] asked.

I shook my head. Across the room, Jeremiah did the same.

The priest struck his palm against the anvil, and shouted, “Then the betrothed may now approach the altar!”

A steady thrum of drumbeats kicked up and echoed through the hall – great acoustics! Up on the stage, Balin’s brow firmed, and he swung his ceremonial hammer down and began to slowly step across the stage. Annie mirrored his actions and did the same. At the same time, the drumbeat picked up energy, going from a *Boom!* *Boom!* *Boom!* to a *BoomBoomBoomBoom!”

Annie and Balin picked up speed until they were both at a dead sprint, their warhammers held at their sides at the ready. They met in the middle of the room with a clang of metal, as they swung their warhammers to meet above the anvil.

I jumped. Shit! Was that supposed to happen!?

They pulled their warhammers back, then swung them again. The warhammer heads connected in perfect symmetry with another clang. Balin was beaming and Annie let out a peal of laughter as they swung again and again, their warhammers joining the beat of the drums to make a sound not unlike the pealing of bells.

In the midst of it, the [Priest] stepped forward, placing a burning ring of metal on the anvil before the altar. Balin and Annie shifted their aim to the anvil, striking the metal ring again and again as the priest carefully adjusted it with his tongs. Bright sparks shot out as their hammers struck home in a perfect syncopated rhythm.

And just as suddenly as it had started, their hammers stopped in mid-air with a sharp *Pssshhhhh* as the Priest pulled the ring off the anvil and doused it in a jug of holy water sitting on the altar.

“Your hammers and souls have resonated as one and proven your resolve. May these two dwarves’ beards be joined before the Gods. Who joins whose clan?” The priest intoned reverently.

For the first time, Balin’s eyes cast down, before firming and looking up once more. “I, Balin Roughtuff, renounce my clan and will be joined to the Goldstones.”

“Then you, Annie Goldstone, will affix the beard ring.” The priest held the steaming iron ring out with his tongs and I winced as it dropped into Annie’s open palm. I really hoped there were some enchantments or Abilities at play to cool that ring!

Annie took Balin’s beard in hand, and with shaking fingers threaded the tip through the iron ring. Then she did the same with hers, before tying them together in a complex knot so that their beards were tightly connected to both to the ring and themselves.

“I present to you! Balin and Annie Goldstone!” The [Priest] roared, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.

Balin and Annie beamed out over the crowd as the bagpipers in the back of the room struck up a joyful wedding tune. I met Aqua’s eyes from across the cavern and we nodded at each other. We’d prepared something special for the wedding party – it was time to break out the barrel of the First Brew. After all – who could possibly deserve it more? We just… wouldn’t tell anyone what it was, to prevent bloodshed.

Then a gleeful voice screamed out over the din, “Who’s getting hitched next!” In reply, with a glint in her eyes, Annie pulled her warhammer back and launched it out over the guests.

I stared in horror as the warhammer spun overhead, imagining the sudden shift of mood if that thing hit and splattered one of the attendees.

Every non-dwarf in the crowd, along with several dwarves, dove out of the way, but a large contingent actually ran forward, hands reaching up to try and grab the hammer in its lopsided flight.

My eyes widened as Mirelda suddenly surged out from the surrounding dwarves, her giant stature allowing her to reach higher than anyone else. I felt a surge of affection, and something deep in my heart shifted at the sight of her eager face. We’d become quite close over the past months, and every day she showed how willing she was to become part of what I was building in this world. Every day she put herself through immense strain practicing the cultivation techniques Yi had taught her, just so we could spend a little longer together. And even now she was putting herself at risk to take part in another insane dwarven tradition.

Simply put, she was one helluva woman.

I barely noticed as a little notification went off in the corner of my vision.

*Bing!*

Quest Complete: True Love

True Love Found: 1/1

Obtained: True Love is its own reward.

Also, access to the Karma Store, but I already spent most of it. Teehee.

And then, Mirelda’s eyes widened, and she let out a cry of “Shit!” and ducked as the hammer whizzed overhead. It continued on its deadly trajectory to shouts of ‘Watch out!’ and ‘It’s mine!’ before a gauntleted hand snapped out of the crowd and caught it with a resounding *Smack!*

Doc Opal held the warhammer above her head and pulled Bran in for a fierce kiss, then gave a triumphant cry. “FOR CRACK!”

The cavern echoed with the return roar. “AND ANNIE!”

*Bleaaahhh!!* [Translated from Prima Donna Goat] “Now let’s drink!”