Catgirls And Dungeons (Yuri)-Chapter 53: What am I?

Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

The pounding of my heartbeat roars in my ears—

Relentless. Suffocating.

And then—

I start giggling.

Not a nervous chuckle.

Not a fragile, uneasy laugh to stave off the fear.

No—

Full-blown, breathless giggles erupt from me.

Uncontrollable. Maddening.

My chest trembles.

My hands shake.

My entire body vibrates with an unfamiliar, electric sensation, like a foreign drug is coursing through my veins, a dizzying, euphoric high that I can't suppress.

My breaths hitch.

The corners of my mouth twist upward.

A manic grin splits my face.

Why am I smiling?

Honestly…

WHY AM I SMILING?!

WHAT THE HELL?!

The sight before me—

It should have made me retch.

The lifeless bodies are scattered across the ground like broken dolls.

Entrails snake across the dirt in obscene, gruesome patterns.

Brains.

Bone shards.

Blood.

A grotesque, mangled masterpiece splattered across the battlefield.

The air is thick with the stench of iron—

The oppressive, metallic tang of blood clings to my senses like a vice, choking, suffocating.

I shiver.

But—

It's not the kind of shiver that comes from fear.

No.

This sensation is—

Different.

It's like—

Tickling.

Tickling my brain.

FUCK.

FUCK!

I'm scared!

Terrified, even!

But not of the slaughter.

No.

I'm scared of—

Myself.

…

Yes…

I'm scared of my fucking self.

Honestly…

"W-What the hell is wrong with me?"

My voice trembles, barely audible.

My legs move backward, unsteady, as if trying to flee from my own body.

My arms wrap tightly around my torso, as if restraining a monster inside me.

No… this isn't normal.

I'm trying—

Trying not to feel this way.

Physically trying!

But…

It's not possible.

Am I going crazy?

Am I mad?

Is this a side effect of the Nightmare Orchid?

Some kind of lingering magic warping my emotions?

I don't understand.

None of this makes sense!

I should be horrified.

My knees should be buckling.

My stomach should be twisting into knots.

Bile should be rising in my throat!

But instead—

I feel none of those things.

No disgust.

No nausea.

No revulsion.

Instead—

I feel…

Elated.

EXHILARATED!.

JOY!

Pure. Unfiltered.

JOY!!!

I'm enjoying this.

No—

I'M LOVING THIS!

And yet—

I don't understand.

I can't.

I CAN'T!

Everything about this reaction—everything—goes against the very core of who I thought I was.

I should feel horrified.

I should be nauseous.

I should want to run away screaming.

But—

I don't.

Back on Earth, in my past life, gore was something I couldn't handle.

Not even in the slightest.

Sure, I was a hardcore gamer, obsessed with action-packed games and movies, but the moment I was faced with real-life blood and violence?

I crumbled.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I was on my way to school when it happened.

A car accident. A little girl's lifeless body, sprawled beneath a bus, pieces of her skull and brain scattered across the pavement.

Even though I only saw it for one, maybe two seconds—

I threw up, immediately.

And for days afterward, I couldn't sleep without nightmares. I couldn't even look at red meat, let alone touch it.

The sight of blood was enough to send me spiraling into traumatic flashbacks.

And that was why… that was the reason I abandoned med school entirely. I realized—real blood, real flesh—it wasn't something I could ever face again.

But now…

I'm standing here.

Not just standing—

I'm fine.

And more than fine.

I'm… thriving.

The blood-soaked scene around me feels exhilarating, like an adrenaline rush I can't escape.

A laugh slips past my lips—

Hollow. Foreign. Bitter.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

This—this isn't just wrong.

It's insane!

I clutch my chest, trying to steady my breath, but my body won't stop trembling.

It's as if I've become—

Not just someone else—

But something else entirely.

A monster.

Is this… even me?

Or—

I freeze.

Wait.

Is this because of the reincarnation?

Is this twisted reaction tied to this catgirl body?

Are these emotions—this dark, perverse joy—

Hers?

If that's the case…

Then who—no, what—was she before?

The thought sinks its claws into me, suffocating, suffocating, suffocating—

———————————-

But before I can unravel the chaos inside my mind, Eris moves. She turns her head toward me, her glowing eyes locking onto mine.

For a moment, her expression shifts.

The sharp, murderous gaze softens into something I can't quite read.

Concern?

Confusion?

With a flick of her wrist, her black sword dissolves into wisps of dark smoke, disappearing as if it never existed.

And then, she moves toward me.

Fast.

Too fast.

My pulse skyrockets.

Oh no.

Did she notice?

Did she hear me giggle just now?

Shit.

Panic consumes me, gripping my chest like a vice.

I step back.

As if I can physically distance myself from the truth clawing at my insides.

This isn't good.

No.

This is worse than bad.

If Eris figures out what kind of person—what kind of monster—I've become…

She'll hate me.

No.

Worse.

She'll be disgusted.

Aaaaaaaa…

What do I do?

What excuse can I possibly come up with?

My thoughts spiral—frantic, desperate, drowning.

But then—

"Eh?"

I'm jolted out of my panic.

Before I even realize what's happening—

I'm enveloped in warmth.

A tight, secure embrace.

Eris.

Her arms wrap around me, holding me close, steadying the storm in my chest.

Her presence is a balm, soothing, calming the frantic chaos in my head.

For a moment, I forget everything else.

Then, her voice breaks through. Trembling. Raw. Laced with regret.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have let you see that. I lost control—I was so angry, I didn't think about how it would affect you. You must be terrified!"

Ah.

So that's what she thinks.

Eris assumes I'm traumatized. She believes my reaction is one of fear and revulsion.

A wave of relief crashes over me, washing away the tension in my chest.

Phew! Saved!

"N-no, no! I-I'm okay! I'm not scared!" I stammer, forcing what I hope is a reassuring smile.

But Eris isn't convinced.

She pulls back abruptly, her hands gripping my shoulders, her eyes darting over me in pure panic.

"Oh no! Your tail is all puffed up! And your ears— they're shaking!!!"

Her voice rises, full of distress.

Before I can get a word in, she's already pushing me forward.

I try to protest, but—

Well… she's not wrong.

My tail is puffed up. My ears are trembling.

But not because of fear.

I want to say something—anything—to ease her worry.

But the sheer conviction in her voice…

She's utterly convinced that she's scared me senseless.

And, well…

That works in my favor, doesn't it?

No complaints here.

"A-alright!" I nod, letting her take the lead.

Eris, still frazzled, grabs a cloth and hurriedly wipes the blood from her face—frantic, almost clumsy in her rush.

But… her clothes are still drenched in red.

Without a second thought, I pull off my cloak and thrust it toward her.

"Y-you can take mine!" I say quickly.

She hesitates, her fingers hovering over the fabric for a moment—then, without a word, she takes it.

She drapes it over herself, the oversized cloak hiding most of the mess.

"Thanks…" Eris murmurs, her voice softer now.

Her eyes meet mine, and she smiles.

Not her usual confident smirk.

Not the sharp, battle-hardened grin.

But something gentler.

Something real.

And just like that, we turn, our footsteps quick and quiet, and rush back toward the Gilded Horns.

—————————

Moments later…

The walk is brisk, neither of us saying much as the adrenaline begins to ebb away.

But as the chaos fades, my thoughts return.

Eris.

I still can't believe it.

She didn't just kill them—

She slaughtered them.

More than ten men.

And not just some random thugs—

Two of them were D-rank adventurers.

People who, by most standards, would have been considered strong.

But to her?

They were nothing.

She tore through them like they were mere rats—like they didn't even matter.

And yet, she told me she was E-rank.

She even showed me her ID.

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How?

Unless…

She lied?

I swallow hard, my hands clenching instinctively.

I need to know the truth.

"Eris," I begin hesitantly, breaking the silence. "Y-you're not E-rank, are you?"

The question stops us both in our tracks.

Eris turns to me, her expression unreadable.

For a moment, she says nothing.

She just stares, as if carefully weighing her words.

Then—

She exhales, long and slow.

"No," she admits, shaking her head. Her voice is low. Firm.

"I'm not."

My chest tightens.

I knew it.

But before I can press further, she glances around—eyes flicking to the quiet streets, the passing figures in the distance.

Then, in a barely perceptible motion—

She gestures subtly with her head.

And I understand.

Ah.

We're still in public.

People are nearby.

Whatever secrets she's hiding, she doesn't want to reveal them here.

And honestly?

That's fine by me.

I nod, letting the matter drop—for now.

It's actually better this way.

I need time too.

Time to process what just happened.

To figure out exactly what I want to ask—

When the moment comes.