Diary of a Masochist's turning into a Human Toilet-Chapter 5: EP.: Sinking In (18+)

EP.5: Sinking In

The next day, I woke up to the warm sunlight, feeling a severe muscle ache all over my body.

"What did I do yesterday?" I thought, closing my eyes tightly.

My foolish judgment had made my relationship with my brother awkward. When I thought of him, I checked his room, but he was already gone, probably to school.

I slowly got up and started cleaning, putting on the clothes scattered on the floor. Every time I wiped the traces on the living room floor, my vagina ached.

As I cleaned, memories of the previous day flooded back, and my vagina became wet again.

I instinctively reached for my vagina, but the pain stopped me.

After finishing the cleaning, I took off my clothes again due to the fluids and sweat and went to the bathroom. I checked my body in the mirror.

My left breast was more purple than the day before, and my vagina was swollen, though its color was hard to see due to the pubic hair.

I sighed and began to shower, trying to process the situation.

"I need to talk to Han-young... Yesterday was definitely my mistake. We can go back to how things were before."

After the shower, I opened my phone and found a message with an address that Jung-su had mentioned the day before.

"I'll never go there. Those guys are not normal; they're too dangerous."

I shook my head, determined not to do anything like that again.

I started worrying about my brother, realizing he wasn't on equal terms with Jung-su and Il-ho; he seemed to be bullied by them.

I applied ointment to my body and fell into thought.

Later that evening, my brother returned home. I quickly got up to greet him.

"You're back. You're late."

"Did you eat dinner?"

"...Are you hungry? I made your favorite bean paste stew."

My brother was silent and went into his room, closing the door.

I tried calling out to him, but he didn't respond.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," I thought, giving him space.

The next morning, I checked his room, but he had already left for school.

I waited for him to return, thinking about what to say.

Lately, I had been masturbating and having sex daily, but today, those thoughts didn't even cross my mind.

When I heard the sound of the front door opening, I rushed to greet him.

As expected, he tried to go straight to his room, but I grabbed his arm.

"Wait, Han-young. I need to talk to you."

He tried to shake me off, but I held tighter.

"I'm sorry!!"

He paused, seeming to soften.

"I'm sorry... really sorry. I didn't mean for things to turn out like that... I made a mistake. I shouldn't have done that in front of you..."

I poured out my apologies, and tears streamed down my face.

My brother stood silently until I calmed down. I couldn't look him in the eye, fearing he might still be disdainful.

When I finally looked up, he spoke with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry too... if only I hadn't said anything..."

I felt relieved and hugged him.

"I'm sorry... I should have been more careful. Let's forget about it and go back to how things were. Can we do that?"

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"...Yeah."

"Did you eat dinner?"

"No, I'm hungry."

We had a late dinner together.

"Do you think you'll contact those guys again?"

My brother asked while eating, seemingly worried about the address they had sent.

"Of course not! Absolutely not. Don't worry."

"Never go there."

"Got it. Don't worry, just eat."

After dinner, we returned to our rooms without much conversation. The atmosphere was awkward, but I thought it would improve soon.

As the days passed, my brother went to the library on weekends, and I focused on recovering at home.

Whenever I closed my eyes, the memories of that day came flooding back, and my vagina would secrete fluids.

I still had pain, so I only lightly touched my clitoris.

Days went by, and I found myself fantasizing about that day and masturbating daily. It had become a routine.

I no longer thought about watching SM videos or doing exposure play like I used to.

Those intense memories kept replaying in my mind.

I wanted to forget them by having sex with my brother, but I didn't want to show him the marks on my body.

Once the bruises faded a bit, I decided to have sex with him again. I prepared by wearing a pink dog collar and sexy underwear.

When I heard the front door open, I rushed to greet him.

He looked startled when he saw me.

"Maybe today...?" I asked nervously, offering him the leash.

Fortunately, he accepted it as a sign of agreement.

However, things weren't the same between us. I wasn't as excited as I thought I'd be, and my brother seemed to be going through the motions.

Despite our foreplay, he couldn't get an erection.

I tried to arouse him, but it didn't work.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"When I look at you, I keep thinking about what happened... I don't know... maybe I'm just tired."

He seemed troubled but brushed it off.

Suddenly, he stood up and handed me a USB drive from his bag.

"It's from Il-ho," he said.

My heart sank.

"After that day, whenever I see your body... it feels dirty," he said, clearly trying to soften his words.

I felt a pang of guilt, realizing I might have traumatized him.

"I'm sorry... I'll be more careful in the future."

I apologized in a trembling voice and took the USB drive, quickly leaving the room.

It had been about four days since the incident. My brother and I were still awkward, and we naturally avoided each other.

The USB drive contained the expected videos from that day. For me, who had been fantasizing about it, the videos were like a long-awaited rain.

I heard Jung-su's deep voice and Il-ho's mocking laughter, and I saw my humiliating moments replayed vividly.

When my brother was out, I would practice the shameful poses Jung-su taught me, naked in the living room. I'd close my eyes and imagine Jung-su and Il-ho sitting on the sofa.

"Thank you for letting me masturbate today."

I would kneel and bow my head towards the empty sofa, giving my own version of thanks.

After masturbating, I felt consumed by guilt and became addicted to this feeling. I sensed a constant desire deep within me.