Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 28.4

That left only whatever had happened between Go Yohan and Kang Suhyeon. But that was something I didn’t know. Even when I tried asking about it, neither of them ever gave me an answer. Kang Suhyeon always avoided my questions.

What was I supposed to do, then?

I didn’t know what to say, so I ended up stammering out an explanation that wasn’t really an explanation.

“It didn’t mean anything. Honestly, Suhyeon gave me this ticket so I could go with you.”

Finally, the eyes that had been fixated on nothing but empty air slowly shifted toward me.

The moment our gazes met, his pale-colored irises blatantly questioned me:

‘Why?’

The atmosphere was colder than midwinter, darker than the dead of night. And I was always, always weak to that kind of atmosphere.

A monsoon in the middle of winter.

Not snow, but damp, clammy rain.

White breath melting into the rain.

Moisture invading the air, even in winter.

Go Yohan was someone who embodied all the most miserable conditions that made my body tremble.

How could a person feel like a monsoon in the middle of winter?

And yet, that was exactly what Go Yohan was.

I felt a surge of urgency.

I didn’t want to let him misunderstand.

Because, in the end, I was the kind of person who wanted to hold an umbrella over Go Yohan as he stood alone, drenched in the rain of monsoon season.

Without thinking, I moved. My hand reflexively reached deep into my pocket and pulled out my phone.

“Do you want to see my conversation with Kang Suhyeon?”

It was a wise decision, after all. The most efficient way to convince Go Yohan was, as expected, to show him evidence.

“Are you sure?”

Go Yohan smiled.

But that smile… there was no way I was imagining the unsettling feeling it gave me.

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Wow, that’s so damn forced.

Even he seemed to realize he’d messed up, because he quickly forced the corners of his lips even higher.

Smiling is good and all, but if you’re going to smile, at least make your eyes match.

When only his mouth was covered up with an expression, the rest of his face remained blatantly blank, sending shivers down my spine.

And yet, his words contradicted his expression.

With dead eyes, he spoke as if nothing were wrong, his voice as breezy and casual as ever.

“Forget it.”

“No! I’m showing you, no matter what. You have to see it.”

I hated this uneasy feeling even more.

I hated it way more than Go Yohan did.

I didn’t want to leave anything lingering in his mind. If it was something that might bother him, I wanted to lay it all out in the open. I wanted to emphasize—no, prove—that I wouldn’t hide anything from him.

With hands shaking, whether from the cold or from sheer frustration, I forced myself to unlock my phone. Then, as if presenting a royal seal, I held it out to him, displaying my messages with Kang Suhyeon.

That disgusting text message.

Even looking at it again made me sick.

"Go Yohan r=1−sinθ Kang Jun."

Who was the one who said they weren’t going to look?

Wasn’t it the guy who had been staring blankly into space, acting like he couldn’t care less?

Yet the moment I held out my phone, Go Yohan shoved his face uncomfortably close, reading the screen intently.

And unlike me, he immediately understood what it meant.

He rubbed his chin and muttered to himself. That confirmed it.

“Go Yohan, heart, Kang Jun?”

“What the—how do you even know that?”

“Suhyeon sent this?”

“Wait. You actually got it? For real?”

I asked out of genuine curiosity.

Something felt off, so I double-checked the message, but it still looked like nothing more than a useless equation to me.

How the hell did he figure it out?

Was it some kind of trend I wasn’t aware of?

Was I the only one out of the loop?

Maybe it was something all college students knew?

I was completely lost.

“Then do you know this one too? I tried calculating it as a natural constant and got 6606.48.”

"128."

“Do you know what 6606.48 means?”

I showed him the next message.

But instead of answering, Go Yohan stared at the screen, then at me, then back at the screen.

And suddenly, he burst out laughing.

It was a light, crisp laugh, ringing out freely.

The moment that refreshing sound left his lips, I could feel dozens of invisible eyes in the crowd shifting toward us.

Was I jealous?

Not a chance.

I didn’t even have the time to feel that way.

“Ah, seriously, Kang Jun.”

Go Yohan’s long eyes curved into crescents.

As his lashes overlapped, his sharp features somehow became even more striking.

His eyes weren’t small—just narrow—but his facial features were bold and well-defined, naturally drawing attention.

For a brief moment, as his slender gaze flickered in the light, the world around me dimmed into grayscale.

The only thing that remained in full color was Go Yohan.

Whenever I experienced something like this, I had a single thought.

This is so damn cliché.

My own thoughts felt like they came straight out of some overdramatic novel or a scene from a TV drama.

It was childish.

Embarrassing.

But I had no choice but to admit it.

Clichés existed for a reason.

Because countless people had lived through the same emotions before me.

And because, in the end, the best way to describe the most vivid human emotions was through clichés.

So I had no choice but to admit it.

I was in love with Go Yohan.

Like a scene from a drama.

“Ugh, I got chills.”

“Why?”

I suppressed a laugh and shook my head.

“Doesn’t the wind make you shiver every time you pass by a roller coaster?”

“…I guess so.”

I shamelessly lied.

Honestly, I wasn’t any different from Go Yohan.

The only difference was that I lied for my own benefit, while he lied for fun or survival.

What that difference actually meant, I had no idea.

I tried putting my phone away, but before I could, Go Yohan grabbed my hand.

His fingers tightened around my wrist, keeping me from moving.

Then, he read over the message again.

And this time, he laughed even louder than before.

His laughter was like peppermint candy—sharp, refreshing, and unmistakably Go Yohan.

“…What’s so funny?”

Of all things, a pinch of excitement, like a handful of sugar, crept into my throat. I was about to choke on the sweetness in my own voice.

“I love you,” he said, as if it were a foolish thing to say, but there were times when he actually made sense.

“Right. How did you know this? Doesn’t this problem seem weird to you?”

My curiosity flared up again. It wasn’t obsession. I just thought it would be good to know. It’s just the way I am.

“Well.”

At my question, Go Yohan shrugged lightly, then opened his mouth,

“Please move back to the next row!”

Thanks to the overly enthusiastic part-timer, our conversation was abruptly cut off.

Pushed by the crowd, I had no choice but to sit down without any time to think. So why was 14 ‘forever’? I wanted to know. Even if I wanted to ask again, the crowd behind us kept pushing, and Go Yohan was shoved forward.

When I snapped back to reality, I noticed the safety bar had already dropped. What is this, some kind of flea market vibe?

“Go, Go Yohan.”

I called out urgently to Go Yohan, who was sitting beside me, but the loud speaker announcement completely drowned out my voice.

“Agh.”

I reflexively covered my ears at the painfully loud mechanical voice. It hadn’t seemed so loud from the outside, but right in front of the mic, it was unbearably loud.

“Welcome, everyone visiting our Land! This is our famous E, T, T, A, L, A, C, T, I, O, N! Not a Viking, not a Flume Ride, but a ride that blends thrill and excitement! Where are we? We are at Extraction! No crying if you're scared. We’re going for three rounds, so check your safety bars again, the entrance is on the right, and the exit is still far away! Now, everyone! Get ready to scream with excitement, and let’s go without delay!”

Is this a guide or an incantation?

I realized immediately after hearing the incomprehensible rapid-fire announcements that we had made a mistake. The safety bar was supposed to be checked, but even though I had checked it, it was still loose.

“Yohan.”

I called out to Go Yohan, trembling on the old ride as it started moving. As expected, when our eyes met, Go Yohan stiffly lifted the safety bar, then lowered it again.

Once again, his face was asking a question. ‘What the hell is this?’ There was only one thing to say in response to that expression.

“I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah. This is pretty sorry.”

Where had the kind Go Yohan from earlier gone?

Go Yohan fiddled with the safety bar again. His cold face looked impassive as he gazed down at the ride from the highest point. He didn’t seem scared, but his face was that of someone experiencing an unexplainable, below-the-belt kind of situation. I guess I felt the same way.

“Let’s never come here again.”

I was about to answer, but suddenly Go Yohan reached out and grabbed my safety bar.

What?

Before I could even make sense of what was happening, the ride took a sharp plunge to the ground. But my eyes stayed on the large hand gripping the peeled paint of the handle.

My chest felt like it was shaking violently. It was like someone was shaking a glass jar with a beating heart inside.

I shakily raised my hand and grabbed Go Yohan’s safety bar. He probably didn’t notice because of all the chaos, and honestly, I’d prefer it that way. Even with the cold wind slicing across my face, my head was burning with heat.

And one thing I learned: Go Yohan seems to be weak to rides like these. Probably. He wasn’t showing it, but sitting on the bench, he was subtly listless.

Exactly like someone with motion sickness.

“You.”

“…Huh?”

“You’re getting motion sickness, aren’t you?”

Go Yohan subtly avoided my gaze and answered in a very soft voice.

“No?”

“……”

“This place… it’s just not for me.”

I agreed with the second part. Go Yohan and an amusement park? It just didn’t fit. Go Yohan holding a helium balloon in a place full of red and pink fantasy and happiness? Two perfectly fine men sitting on a heart-shaped bench, talking? That was a nightmare. I felt a little sick.

Actually, I think I’m the one who’s getting motion sick. I need something cold to drink.

“I want to get something to drink. Do you want something?”

“You have it?”

“No, I’m going to buy it. I’ll go to the kiosk nearby, so you stay here.”

It was my attempt at being considerate, but Go Yohan only shook his head slowly with a lifeless expression.

“No, I’ll go with you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why? Are you scared if we go together?”

I raised my hand firmly.

“Our situation is a bit… special. Being two guys, sticking together to go to a kiosk might make people uncomfortable. It’d be kind of gross.”

“I’m good looking, so it’s fine.”

“Oh, because you’re good looking.”

At least one thing was fortunate: My feelings didn’t show too much on my face. I had learned how to hide my emotions out of habit since childhood. But on the other hand, Go Yohan had no problem casually saying whatever came to mind, even with a perfect face and no hint of embarrassment.

Lately, I was kind of impressed with how shameless Go Yohan was. Truly.

“You’re completely sincere, huh.”

“What’s with the tone?”

Go Yohan squinted at me and shot me a glare. I casually stood up and avoided his gaze. Then, I racked my brain and pointed to the left.

“I think the kiosk was over there.”

“Look at you, changing the subject. Tsk.”

Go Yohan gave me a look as if to say you can’t escape and then burst out laughing with that trademark half-smiling laugh.

“You’ve been pretty funny lately.”

“We should walk just half a step apart. One person feels too distant, and the other feels a little weird, so let’s go half a step apart.”

“Half a step? Got it.”

“It’s fine if we brush shoulders a little.”

“It’s okay to bump? You’re so generous. I almost cried.”

“Let’s go.”

“Yes, sir.”

Go Yohan really knows how to play along with my jokes. I, on the other hand, don’t even find myself amusing.

This was something I’ve come to realize recently. I’m starting to understand one of the reasons I could never sit at the top. My personality isn’t fun. I have no sense of humor, no wit to make others laugh. No matter what I do, I come off as studious and trying to be good. No wonder I was unpopular in school. However, back then, I used to be consumed by jealousy, and it was hard to accept my flaws. Now, I’ve come to terms with it. I have a personality that’s just no fun to hang out with.

I must have grown enough to understand these feelings. I’m still sensitive, but I’ve learned to control myself a bit. I nodded as I watched Go Yohan, who was walking a half-step behind me, keeping a respectful distance.

Go Yohan and I shared the final moments of our growth. I didn’t expect this to happen, but by my standards now, I think we’ve grown a little.

“……”

“Ah, sorry.”

While I was lost in thought, someone bumped into my arm. A wave of discomfort surged up, but then I quickly caught myself. I’m an adult. I suppressed the rude feelings and managed to calm myself. The familiar scent hit my nose. Looking up in surprise, the person I bumped into was none other than Go Yohan.

“We just brushed by each other while walking.”

“Yeah.”

Why did I use formal speech? I was so flustered that I accidentally mimicked Go Yohan’s way of speaking.

“No, not ‘yeah,’ I mean…”

“Your tone is very polite. Is that fake? Normally, I’d expect you to speak in a more dignified tone.”

“…I don’t do that.”

“It’s fine. I actually like people with dirty personalities. If this is fate, can I walk next to you?”

“Where did you learn to speak like that?”

“I learned it from the person I live with.”

“Let’s speak properly. When did I ever speak like that?”

I frowned in frustration. I couldn’t remember ever speaking like that. Well, I do speak like that to adults sometimes, but never to people my age.

“You know, even when you speak normally, your voice sounds so dignified. Your tone is calm.”

“So, you mean I’m boring.”

I know it. I know I’m boring. Back then, I was so obsessed with the reaction I got, but now I realize I’ve never really led a conversation in a positive direction. Even in high school, no one laughed at my jokes. If I’m being honest, that means I’m boring.

But Go Yohan seemed to have no idea what I meant.

“Boring?”

“I’m boring.”

“You don’t know your own charm, do you?”

“Charm? What are you talking about?”

Even though I said it bluntly, there was an unexpected feeling of hope. Go Yohan knew my charm?

Yeah, maybe I’m a little interesting to him. He did say he liked me, after all. I couldn’t help but let my eyes shine with anticipation, waiting for his next words. Go Yohan looked down at me and smiled.

“Let me be clear to avoid any misunderstandings. Objectively speaking, you’re boring. But the things you do are kind of funny.”

“Let’s just part ways here and go our separate ways.”

“Damn, I’m losing it.”

Out of nowhere, Go Yohan covered his mouth with his hand and bent over, laughing. What’s so funny? He was laughing so obnoxiously that I decided to ignore it.

“Why are you so damn funny?”

“Who are you? Who do you think you’re talking to?”

I pretended not to know Go Yohan, who was walking right behind me. I purposely acted more blunt to hide my frustration. But Go Yohan seemed completely unaffected. He grabbed my arm and, almost forcefully, twisted my body around, then laughed again when he saw my expression.

“Ah! You’re so damn cute.”

With his eyes closed, he scrunched up his nose and laughed. It was a smile so pure, it was almost painfully innocent. The problem was, it was maliciously pure. He was enjoying teasing me.

“Let go. This.”

“Do that again.”

“What?”

“‘Who are you? Who do you think you’re talking to?’ Do it again. Just once more.”

“No. You pervert.”

He liked all kinds of strange things.

“Pervert? When I think about it, that’s a bit much.”

Go Yohan kept shaking my arm, not letting go, until he suddenly froze as if a thought had struck him. What a twisted person. His antics always ended up with him teasing me, but that was just the way it was.

“Let’s be honest. You’re the one who’s more open about things than I am.”

I had to admit it again. I’m quick to adapt to reality, much faster than others. Go Yohan must have just been joking, but then again, he always liked saying bold things. And when he spoke, it always provoked me.

There’s a sad truth, though. The sad truth is that I, Kang Jun, am even bolder than Go Yohan. My shamelessness is harder for him to break through.

Kang Jun’s conscience confessed: How many times have you used Go Yohan as your side dish?

The answer was more times than I could count.

With a facade of calm, I casually spoke to Go Yohan.

“I don’t barge in while someone’s showering.”

“Who said that?”

I half-opened my eyes and looked Go Yohan up and down. That was my answer.

Go Yohan, as always, leaned into the crowded street, deliberately bumping into me with his big frame. I was pushed slightly off balance. In a flash of frustration, I pushed back against him, but he didn’t budge. Instead, I was the one who bounced back. Damn it.

In reaction, Go Yohan grabbed me and held me in place. My arm, still gripped by his, dangled awkwardly. I shut my eyes tightly and yanked my arm out of his grasp.

Then, I glanced at him with a firm warning. It was still a little fresh, the incident from a few days ago.

“Don’t come in while I’m showering again. Don’t touch me either.”

“You really are something.”

“What?”

“You don’t think I’m even a little attractive?”

“……!”