Heretical Fishing-Chapter 42Book 4: : Sweet Treats

I was having my second dream in a single night—it was wonderful. Beside a cerulean lake and beneath an emerald sky, I had a fishing rod in my hands, a smile on my face, and something massive on the end of my line. I reeled, reeled, and reeled some more, yet the fish never got closer. Some might have found this frustrating, perhaps even anxiety inducing, but not me. I knew I was dreaming.

Instead of focusing on the subjective failure, I gazed out at my surroundings, wondering if such a vista existed somewhere in this world. I had seen similar colors before, but never in the sky. It was the verdant green of the forests surrounding Tropica, the light hue that some leaves possessed when lit by the midday sun or a particularly bright moon.

Speaking of celestial bodies, another arrived, peeking its head over the horizon.

Well, I thought. There goes any hope of this being the same world…

The second sun trailed the other, on the same path as they marched higher and higher. There was a moment where I considered it might be an optical illusion, but their continued passage confirmed the truth. When I acknowledged that there actually were two of them, disorientation hit me like a sledgehammer. But awe swiftly followed, settling deep in my core as I squinted skyward, my enhanced body letting me gaze directly at them, engaging in what only the silliest of gooses would do back on Earth.

Suddenly, my core called to me, urging me to return. Having one last look at the scene as I was yoinked from the dreamscape, I did my best to sear it into my memory. A slight feeling of loss remained as I stirred from sleep. When I opened my eyes, however, a sight far more beautiful than the alien landscape met me.

“Good morning,” Maria said, her body gloriously bare as she straddled my hips. Slowly, she bent down—both the kiss she planted on my neck and the tickle of her sun-bleached hair made power course through me. She sat back up, her chest heaving as she stared down at me with burning intensity. “You know, we’ve got some time before you have to leave...”

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“Oh...” was all my brain could put together.

Thankfully, words weren’t necessary. When Maria pressed herself against me, I forgot they even existed.

***

The sun’s rays were just beginning to crest the horizon as Maria and I walked hand in hand toward the coast. It reminded me of something… a dream I’d had last night, perhaps? I furrowed my brow in an attempt to remember, but more-recent memories flooded in first.

Maria stopped in her tracks and raised an eyebrow my way. “We might not be connected right now, but I can still tell when you... think things.”

I stood tall, raising my arms to the sky and pausing a moment when I found the prefect stretch. “I regret nothing.”

She laughed, sweeping over to plant the softest of kisses on my cheek. “Good.”

So lost was I in the serotonin flowing through me that I didn’t notice her winding up the mother of all slaps. She smacked the left side of my tooshie with enough force to lift me a few centimeters off the ground.

“Keep being a good boy,” she whispered, “and maybe I’ll reward you when you get back…”

I raised both eyebrows at her. “I can feel that you’re joking, but that’s a dangerous game. What if those words awakened something in me? Opened a box whose contents can’t be unseen? Scratched an itch that I’ll henceforth need tended in order to—”

She cut me off by pressing a finger to my lips. “I would like to immediately retract the last twenty seconds.”

“Even the spank?”

“Don’t be silly. Obviously not the spank.”

“In that case, I find the terms agreeable.”

I offered a hand to shake, but she batted it aside and leaped into my arms. Rather than the passionate exchanges of last night, this kiss was softer than velvet. As so often happened around her, all else fell away—which was, unfortunately, how it came to be that two large individuals snuck up on us.

A ragged sigh from one of them sliced our moment in half, its wielder’s core oozing with resignation. I spun, and it was on his face, too. I raised an eyebrow at Duncan, curious what his game was. Fergus was beside him, looking similarly unsure.

The apprentice had replaced his obliterated clothing from yesterday, and an embarrassed tilt to his shoulders was the only remaining proof of the expulsion-via-familiar he’d been subjected to. As he took a slow breath in, his lungs were filled with both air and resolve.

“Mate...” I said, realization blooming. “You don’t have to...”

The slight grimace he returned told me that he did, in fact, have to do it. I peered sidelong at Maria, expecting a strong reaction. Instead, a smile teased the corner of her mouth, and her eyes flicked down toward a shoulder-bag Fergus was carrying.

“Lad...” Fergus tried, taking a half step forward, his hand extended. “Didn’t you learn your lesson? There’s still time to walk away. We’ve got a long day ahead of us. Come now, let’s go have a cup of coffee and a bite of—”

“Priapus’s eternal erection!” Duncan yelled, losing the battle with his own compulsions. “Get a rooo—mmmm?”

The taunt had started strong, but ended in a soft mumble when someone pink, slimy, and all-encompassing wrapped himself around the apprentice’s head, sealing his mouth shut. Like a cantankerous crab launched by the righteous claw of Snips, Slimes had been a blur as he shot from Fergus’s bag.

“Hiiii!” he said, replacing Duncan’s facial features with his own. With a loud plop, Slimes removed himself from the smith’s noggin, using it as a grounding point from which to slingshot himself toward—and into—Maria’s abdomen. There, he immediately resumed circulating chi.

Duncan wobbled, blinked, and righted himself. He opened his mouth, froze, and shut it once more. “Nope.” He turned and strode away, not once looking back. “Coming, boss? I hear there’s coffee and pastries waiting ahead.”

Fergus just smiled and shrugged before trudging off after his apprentice.

“I should have known Slimes was in there,” I said, grabbing Maria’s hand. “I was wondering why you didn’t preemptively kick him into the ocean.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Maria’s eyes took a moment to focus on me. “I was checking up on Slimes’s insight from last night.”

“Don’t worry.” I softly bumped my shoulder into her. “Let’s go. I’ll watch out for more ambushes while you two catch up.”

She bumped me back, then settled into herself, tiny fluctuations coming from her chi as she and Slimes communicated. Once more hand in hand, we wandered eastward. The wind shifted suddenly, wafting scents and sounds our way—coffee, pastries, and the voices of countless friends.

Maria took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again, they were clear once more, her communication with Slimes having come to an end. “I will never grow tired of that smell.”

“The coffee, or the pastries?”

“Yes.”

“Fair point,” I laughed.

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She stopped abruptly and turned to face me. “Race you there?”

“Oooh, I’m down.”

“On three?”

“Sounds good! Should we should set some ground rules, though? This could easily get out of ha—”

“Three!” she interrupted, spraying me with sand as she took off across the dunes.

“The audacity....”

She leaped from the crest of the first hill, and following her recent breakthrough, her strength sent her sailing all the way toward the coast. She glanced back to check on my progress—just in time to see me snap my fingers. I appeared before her in a flash of light, letting her collide with my body.

Her leap, if left unimpeded, would have seen her landing gracefully beside everyone; my haphazard interception, and our subsequent flight of tangled limbs, would do... well, not that.

We hit the dune closest to our friends, careening sideways into its top third, and tonnes of sand cascaded over the gathering. I reached for my chi, my level of control more than enough to protect everyone. I didn’t though, obviously—shield them entirely, I mean. I did, however, protect what really mattered.

Dozens of little translucent barriers sprang into place atop cups, pitchers, and Sue’s delicious pastries. Not a single grain found its way past my impenetrable walls, which meant I could sit back and enjoy the show. And by sit back and enjoy the show, what I really meant was catch glimpses of the scene as I bounced along the ground like a crash-test dummy.

Maria, who I’d become separated from upon impact, rejoined me. Kind of. Her feet landed on my back, and my chaotic passage became nice and smooth as she turned me into a surfboard. It was quite enjoyable initially, because my view of the sandstorm was no-longer obstructed by my own spin cycle… but then Maria shifted her left foot.

It pressed down on the nape of my neck, causing my face to part the sand before us. When we started to slow, she leaped off—and must have done a sweet flip or something, because a round of polite applause came from the crowd. Someone even whistled.

“Thank you,” she said. “And sorry, everyone. I had no idea he was going to do… whatever that was.”

I lifted my head and wiped grit from my eyes. “In my defense, neither did I.”

A bunch of wet somethings popped against my arm, and I glanced, with a giant grin on my face, toward the source of the bubbles. “Hello, Snips. Did you have a nice sleepover with Slimes?”

She nodded and rubbed her carapace against me, her stream of affectionate bubbles increasing as I stroked the top of her head. She slid her powerful pinchers beneath me and me to my feet with ease.

I landed with my arms crossed, returning the playful gazes some of the crowd were leveling my way. “At least someone knows how to treat the arrival of her benevolent and kind leader.”

Hissing her agreement, Snips leaped into the air, settled into the crook of my arm, and joined me in glaring at the others.

Sue sighed, the first to break the stalemate. “Come on. This mummers’ show will last all morning, and the pastries are getting cold.”

Snips whirled and cast a questioning gaze up at me. I nodded. “For the sake of caffeine and sweet treats, let us move past their egregious insubordination.”

She leaped up onto my head and stood tall on her spiky legs, an imperious glint in her eye as she looked down upon her lessors.

“I know, Snips.” I gave an exaggerated sigh. “You’re right. I would be justified in locking them all up in my not-a-prison for the foreseeable future.”

“Fischer.” Sue leveled a pair of tongs at me. “Keep that up, and I’ll start hiding sand in your pastries.”

My indignant facade slipped away like butter on a hot pan. “You wouldn’t...”

“I would—and only some of them, too. You’d never know if your next bite would bring sweet delight or crunchy regret.” She clacked her tongs. “Don’t test me, young man.”

I plucked the crab from my head and lowered her so we were eye to eye-stalk. “Our enemies are more politically savvy that I anticipated, Snips. I believe we’ve lost this battle.”

“You have,” Sue agreed.

“But we will win the war,” I hissed, to which my guard crab nodded, then ran a claw across her neck—well, across where it would be if she had one.

“What was that you just said?”

“Nothing, Sue! Two of your finest coffees and pastries, please!”

“Much better. Coming right up.”

As the barista prepared our breakfast, I gazed around at the scene, able to take it in properly now that I was no longer tumbling. Two wooden tables were set up and absolutely covered in trays of pastries. Sue stood behind it, and as she poured from a large jug, a deep-brown liquid flowed out into the cup below. The entire breakfast had been one of the things we’d planned yesterday—in between ocean swims and countless snacks—but seeing it all come together sparked even more joy than expected.

With how busy my animal pals had been lately with their attempts at advancement, I’d seen less and less of them. This brekkie, however, was different. Some of us were departing later this morning, so most of the spirit beasts were present and strewn throughout the gathering. Only Bumblebro, Queen Bee, and the Buzzy boys out on patrol were absent.

I wondered how the former two were going; I hadn’t seen them in days. I could sense them via our connection, of course, so I knew they were healthy. I’d felt the urge to go and check up on them at least a dozen times since returning with the boat supplies, but I had already been told off for visiting their hive unannounced.

A bolt of lightning struck far to the south, and I just shook my head.

I know you’re not here, Claws. I was trying not to think about you. You tell me off every time I even say hello.

Shush! she replied, accompanying the word with a pulse of annoyance. I’m busy experimenting!

“That fracking otter…”

Maria’s lilting giggle made me feel a little better, and another shift of the wind finished off the job. Even from here, the cold-brew’s aroma was tantalising.

“That’s the addiction speaking,” Maria whispered.

I pouted at her in response, but she countered it with a cheeky wink, then leaned against my shoulder. “Sorry about using you as a sled earlier.”

“Oh, no worries.”

“... No worries?”

“Uh-huh. Deserved, really.”

“I guess that’s true. If you acknowledge fault, is there anything you want to say?”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps an apology to that you wronged? Someone beautiful sitting right next to you?”

“You know what? You’re right.” I looked down at Snips and scritched the top of her sturdy head. “I’m sorry for not standing my ground against Sue. The threat of sandy pastries was too much for me.”

She patted my leg reassuringly, blowing compassionate and mirth-filled bubbles as she leaned into my scritching.

“Really?” Maria bent to place her lovely head in my field of view. “You don’t want to apologize for teleporting right before your fiancée, causing her to tumble ass-over-tit in front of everyone?”

“Not really, no.”

“Huh. Well what if I told you said fiancée’s father is standing right behind you?”

I froze. “How angry does he look...?”

“Hard to tell—he always looks angry.”

“He does, doesn’t he?”

“I do,” Roger agreed, his voice gravel. “Lots to be angry about ‘round here.”

“So…” Maria said, her face as smug as it was pretty. “Did you have anything to say to your very-patient fiancée’s very-angry father, Fischer?”

A lifeline arrived in the form of a barista. Sue held out a tray; the food atop it made my stomach growl. “Pause,” I said. “Can we have brekkie before I answer? I can’t think straight with Sue’s creations present.”

Maria tossed her head side-to-side in consideration. “Deal,” she finally said, “but only because I can’t wait either.”

Though one of my treats was a plain croissant, it wasn’t any less delicious than the passiona danish accompanying it. I lost track of time as I ate, and when I closed my eyes to better focus on the buttery layers of pastry, an odd scene flashed through my mind. Two suns, a cerulean lake, and an emerald sky. The vista faded in and out of view, only vanishing when I upended my cup to drain the last mouthful of coffee.

I let out a contented sigh, which enhanced the pleasantly bitter aftertaste that lingered. “Gods above, I needed that.”

Mmmm, maria replied, still chewing.

The memory of breakfast leant me enough strength to look Roger’s way. Sharon was at his side. She bore a smile that was a little too knowing, which made me wonder if she already suspected me, but something else grabbed my attention—a tray of pastries resting in Roger’s hands.

Sue must have delivered their brekkie while I was eating, and the corner of my lip curled up when I noticed that Roger had stolen a bite, rushing to swallow it before I’d finished my own. The farmer wore his tough demeanor like a suit of armor, but he found sugary treats just as irresistible as I did.

“Delicious, right?” I asked, which made his eyebrow twitch. “Now then—” I tapped my chi. “—what should I say to the father of my fiancée…?” I gesticulated with one hand as I searched for the right words. “Roger, your daughter, who is the love of my life and apple of my eye…” Roger’s and Maria’s eyes both narrowed, so I let the rest spew out before they could stop me. “Is also a dirty cheater who deserved every single spec of sand currently taking up residence in her underclothes!”

I cackled and leaped sideways. Maria pursued. Her eyes became awash with flames once more, but this time, it wasn’t love fueling the inferno.