I Became the Villainess, But My Beast Husbands Can Hear My Mind?!-Chapter 83: A Place Safe Enough to Cry

"To me, the bravest people are the ones who still choose to live, even when their hearts are full of pain."

But honestly, Roxanna didn’t think she was the right person to say that because choosing to live had never really been her first choice. She had never seen herself as brave. That was why she admired and envied people who still chose to keep going, even when their pain felt unbearable

[Maybe compared to me, my pain is nothing next to Luan’s,] Roxanna sighed inwardly. [I shouldn’t complain too much.]

She didn’t fully understand why, but she often felt like she didn’t deserve sympathy because there would always be someone else suffering more than her.

So, she allowed herself to pity others, but not herself.

"Then I’m not one of the bravest," Luan finally said, turning to face her. "Because honestly, I don’t have a strong will to live."

Roxanna was stunned for a moment. He sounded completely calm, even though he had just dropped such a heavy truth.

For a moment, she had no idea what to say. Then slowly, she gathered her courage. "So did I," she said gently. "And I guess Calen too."

She gave a faint, bitter smile and continued in a soft voice, "None of us are the bravest. But even so... our bodies still chose to keep fighting until now, didn’t they?"

At that moment, both Roxanna and Luan fell silent because neither of them truly understood how they were still alive today.

[Even back then, when I had to face freezing cold every single day... somehow, my body still chose to survive.]

She didn’t understand.

Her ex-husband had abused her, and Roxanna knew there was no real reason to keep living when every morning only meant waking up to more pain.

[Why do we keep fighting for a life we don’t even want?] she wondered.

"Yes... somehow we always keep fighting," Luan said slowly. "So maybe the bravest people aren’t the ones with the strongest will to live, but the ones who keep holding on to hope, no matter how faint it is, and refuse to let it go out."

Hope.

People always said that hope was the most essential thing in life.

As long as a person still had even a tiny bit of it—maybe as small as a needle’s tip—they would still cling to life.

"In my past life, I kept hoping that one day... I’d get my shelter back," Roxanna continued softly. "Quietly, I planned to take it from them. I even had a really good plan prepared."

"But sometimes, what we want simply never happens." Her gaze finally dropped, breaking the eye contact between them. "I failed, and as punishment, they left me outside the shelter to freeze."

There had even been a moment when she pointed a gun at her ex-husband’s head, but her best friend struck the back of her head, and the gun slipped from her hand.

"After all, there were two of them, while I was alone." Roxanna slowly lifted her gaze again. "In that moment, I finally realized how hard it is to survive on your own."

Luan gently reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek. "Holding on to hope all alone... that must have been exhausting, right?"

Roxanna let out a weary sigh and looked at him with sad eyes. "It was." She nodded, and before she even noticed, tears were already sliding down her cheeks. "It was lonely, and cold."

She hesitated for a moment, then asked quietly, "And you... how did it feel for you?"

"It hurts," he whispered. Then he repeated, "It hurts, Roxanna."

He turned his head away slightly, covering half of his face with his hand, as if even now, he didn’t quite dare to fully show his pain.

"It’s alright." Roxanna gently reached out to him and cupped his face, guiding it back toward her, only then did she see those emerald eyes were trembling, clouded with grief he had held back for far too long.

"It’s alright..." she whispered. "We can hold on to that hope together now."

His lips pressed tightly together. For a moment, he still tried to fight it, still tried to stay strong, and still tried to be the warrior everyone expected him to be.

But then, a single tear slipped down his cheek, followed by another, and another until his shoulders finally began to shake.

He didn’t sob loudly, he didn’t cry out, but he simply leaned forward, pressing his forehead gently against Roxanna’s shoulder and cried quietly, like a child who had finally found a safe place.

Roxanna wrapped her arms around him and held him close, letting him cry as much as he needed.

Her hand moved slowly, lovingly, through his hair, as if she could soothe every scar time had carved into him.

"I lost my brother," he whispered, his voice breaking apart like shattered glass. It was as if the words were scraping their way out of his chest. "I lost him forever."

"I couldn’t save him," he continued in a trembling whisper. "He was the only family I had left... and I still couldn’t protect him."

His fingers curled weakly into her clothes, clinging to her, as if he were afraid she, too, might disappear.

"I keep seeing it," he said. "The moment he died. The smell of blood. The sound he made. I... I can still hear it, Roxanna."

His voice finally broke completely. "And I hate myself for surviving," he choked out. Then, almost in a whisper, he added, "Why was it me? If my brother were still alive, he would have been strong enough to kill the Demon Fenrir on his own... but I can’t. I can’t defeat it by myself."

Ah. Now she understood.

The reason Luan had suddenly jumped into the ravine wasn’t only because he wanted revenge for his brother, but because he wanted to prove that he was worthy of being the one who survived.

That was why, when he failed to kill the Demon Fenrir, he immediately felt worthless, like he didn’t deserve to be alive.

Luan believed that he should have been the one who died.

"But you’re not your brother," Roxanna whispered gently, her hand softly caressing the back of his head. "Luan is Luan."

She paused for a moment, then whispered softly, "I’m glad you survived the demon attack back then because it meant we could meet, and I’m glad you’ve been trying your best to live for so long, Luan."