Kill the Sun-Chapter 108 – Eternal Regret

Nick walked back to the hotel absentmindedly.

For some reason, he felt like everything that had happened today wasn't real.

Yet, he knew very well that it was real.

Would he even question whether or not this was a dream if it were actually a dream?

Probably not.

Nevertheless, Nick felt like nothing had changed.

He felt like he was about to go back to Horua's room to check up on him.

After entering the hotel and climbing up the stairs, Nick stopped in front of his room as he looked over at the door to Horua's room.

For a couple of seconds, he just watched.

Then, he walked to Horua's room and entered.

After opening the door, he just saw an empty bed.

The blanket was still in the same position as when Nick had left.

Yet, there was no Horua.

For many seconds, Nick just stood in the room, looking at Horua.

From time to time, a whiff of a bloody smell entered his nose.

Ever since Nick had killed Pator, there had been a slightly bloody smell in the room that appeared from time to time.

Naturally, whenever Nick smelled it, he was reminded of the day he killed Pator.

'Another child,' Nick thought.

Horua had been a child.

Pator had been a child.

'I've killed two children,' Nick thought.

'Although the other one would have died anyway.'

Nick released a sigh.

'But Horua's fate was my doing.'

'If I hadn't pulled Horua into Dark Dream, he wouldn't be dead. He would probably have continued living somewhere in the Dregs.'

'Sure, it wouldn't have been an easy life without me present, but he would have survived. After all, I also managed to survive.'

'But I just had to get Horua to become a Zephyx Extractor, huh?'

Nick just looked at the empty bed with an expression filled with regret.

At the same time, Nick felt the dark void in his chest return with even more intensity.

It was like the muscles and organs in his chest were constricting with all their power.

Regret and guilt.

Nick was filled with so much regret and guilt.

Nick had committed horrible mistakes, and there was no way to fix them.

He would never gain a chance to make things right.

Horua was dead.

And he had killed him.

His stupidity had caused Horua's death.

He should have known.

But he didn't.

And now, Horua had paid the price.

'I can't fix it.'

Silence.

'I can't make things right.'

Nick just kept looking at Horua's bed.

'If I could, I would give so many things to get an opportunity to make things right.' 𝑏𝑒𝑑𝘯𝑜𝘷𝑒𝑙．𝑐𝘰𝘮

'But I can't.'

'With the powers of the Specters, many impossible things become possible, but death is still final.'

Nick wanted to right his wrongs so badly.

He was willing to do everything.

But it was impossible.

'I'm so sorry, Horua,' Nick thought as he lightly moved his hand across Horua's bed.

'I couldn't fix it.'

'I couldn't help you.'

'I'm sorry.'

Nick's eyes began to water, but he quickly shook his head and gritted his teeth.

He remembered what had happened the last time he had cried.

The last time he had allowed his emotions to break out was when this black void appeared in his chest, which was still haunting him.

If he cried again, things would only get worse.

So, Nick pushed all his sadness away, burying it deep inside.

Yet, the black void in his chest never left.

It was still there and just as noticeable as ever.

For nearly an hour, Nick stayed in Horua's room, just looking around and remembering things.

They had only known each other for a bit more than a year, but they had still been friends.

Horua would never be able to find out what exactly had happened to his father, who had just vanished at one point.

Nick was certain that Horua's father had probably just been thrown into the sewers by somebody, but it had never truly been a certainty.

Horua would also never be able to truly own his house.

Yes, he was essentially the owner of the house, but as soon as Nick left, the gangs would steal it since Horua was just a kid who couldn't protect such a valuable asset.

Maybe in the future, Horua would have become a big and strong man who would fight against the gangs for his childhood home.

But now, none of that would happen.

All of Horua's dreams died with him.

Eventually, Nick left Horua's room and entered his own.

After entering, Nick put his weapons to the side and just fell into his bed.

He had just woken up a couple of hours ago, but he already wanted to go back to sleep.

Why was life like this?

Why did one bad thing after the other happen to him?

Problems, problems, problems.

He was just so tired of all of these problems.

'If I weren't that stupid, I wouldn't have so many problems,' Nick thought as he lifelessly looked at the ceiling above his bed.

'If I were strong enough to contain or isolate my empathy, I wouldn't have so many issues with Pator's death.'

'If I were not such an idiot, Horua wouldn't have died.'

'Maybe life isn't actually cruel.'

'Maybe it's just my incompetence and idiocy that makes it cruel.'

'Maybe I'm just too dumb to have a good life.'

All of the memories that Nick associated with negative emotions shot through his mind.

When one was surrounded by darkness, one often didn't even try to search for light.

At this moment, there were no happy moments in Nick's memories.

The intense regret and guilt colored the bright moments grey, making them seem meaningless.

When Nick had gotten his job, it didn't matter since his life only became worse from then on.

When Nick caught the Dreamer, it didn't matter since the Dreamer would end up killing Horua.

When Nick became rich, it didn't matter since all the money in the world couldn't make him happy right now.

All the good things were meaningless.

All the bad things were painful and dominant.

'I wish I had the guts to say the Sentence,' Nick thought as he lifelessly looked at the ceiling.