My Scumbag System-Chapter 446: Five Hickeys and a Funeral

Perfect.

I needed aspirin. Maybe an exorcism. 𝚏𝗿𝗲𝐞𝐰𝚎𝕓𝐧𝚘𝘃𝗲𝐥.𝐜𝚘𝕞

"Satori." Natalia stood, walking over with that hip-swaying confidence she used when making points. "Your mother is perceptive. She’ll know something happened between us."

"She already knows." I met her eyes. "We had that conversation, remember?"

"She knows about me." Natalia’s hand found my chest, right over my heart. "But the others are new variables."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Act normal. Don’t let them climb all over you in front of her." She glanced at the other four. "Kimiko’s not stupid. She’ll see through obvious attempts at seduction."

"I wasn’t planning on seducing anyone in front of my mother."

"Good." Natalia patted my chest. "Because if you did, I’d kill you."

"Your priorities are showing."

"I’m aware."

Emi appeared at my other side, holding dish soap and looking determined. "I’m making cookies. Chocolate chip. The good kind with the chunks, not chips."

"She’ll love that."

"You think so?" Emi’s face brightened instantly.

"Emi." I touched her shoulder. "They’re going to love you. You’re impossible not to love."

Her entire face went red. The antennae practically vibrated.

Behind her, Skylar made a gagging sound.

"What about me?" Akari sauntered over, inserting herself between Natalia and Emi like a wedge. "Do I get reassurance too? Or is that reserved for the criers?"

"You don’t need reassurance." I looked at her directly. "You’d seduce my mother just to prove you could."

"True." Her grin turned sharp. "But I’d succeed. That’s the difference."

Natalia’s eye twitched.

Celeste rose from her spot by the window, moving with that regal drift she couldn’t turn off even when she tried. She stopped in front of me, maintaining careful distance.

"I won’t embarrass you." Her periwinkle eyes were steady. Serious. "I know how to behave at family functions."

"You’re not a political asset here." I caught her hand. Squeezed once. "Just be Cel."

Her breath caught.

Across the room, Natalia’s expression went dangerous.

"Right." Celeste stepped back smoothly. "Just Cel. I can do that."

"Liar," Skylar muttered from her corner.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just agreeing with your flawless plan."

I was surrounded by chaos and violence wearing pretty faces.

Braxton stumbled out of his office wearing yesterday’s clothes and carrying what smelled like whiskey in his coffee mug. He took one look at the assembled disaster, then at me, then back at the disaster.

"Your parents are coming."

"Yeah."

"And you told them."

"Just now."

"They’re panicking."

"Little bit."

He took a long drink from his mug. "Good luck with that."

Then he walked back into his office and shut the door.

Helpful as always.

"Everyone split up." I pointed at different areas. "Raphael, Jaime, get the training equipment out of the hallway. Marco, Malachi, check the bathrooms. Jacob, hide anything that looks like conspiracy evidence. Hikari, stop bouncing and help your sister with whatever she’s doing."

The room exploded into activity.

Everyone except the five women surrounding me.

They didn’t move.

"What?" I looked at each of them. "You need assignments too?"

"We’re staying with you." Natalia’s tone left no room for argument. "Safety in numbers."

"That’s not how that phrase works."

"It is now."

Emi grabbed my arm. "I need to know what your mom likes. Favorite foods. Colors. Hobbies. Allergies. Pet peeves. Political leanings—"

"She likes normal things. Red. Cooking. None that I know of. Loud chewing. And she doesn’t talk politics."

"That’s not enough information!" Emi pulled out her phone and started typing frantically. "Does she prefer tea or coffee? Sweet or savory? Formal or casual conversation?"

"Coffee. Both. Casual."

"What about topics to avoid?"

I thought about Kimiko discovering Natalia and me together. About her warnings. About how she’d looked at me that morning like she wasn’t sure who I was anymore.

"Just don’t mention relationships. Or Gates. Or anything dangerous."

"So we lie about our entire lives?" Skylar pushed off the wall. "Great start."

"We redirect." Celeste’s politician’s instincts kicked in. "When she asks about school, we discuss academics. When she asks about training, we focus on safety protocols. When she asks about Satori—"

"We tell her he’s amazing and perfect and definitely not sleeping with five girls simultaneously." Akari’s grin was pure evil. "Easy."

Natalia turned on her so fast I almost missed it.

"If you tell Kimiko anything—"

"Relax, Ice Queen." Akari waved her off. "I know how this works. We’re all friends. Teammates. Nothing weird happening here."

"Exactly." Emi nodded eagerly. "Just friends having a normal Sunday."

"In matching hickeys," Skylar added.

Everyone’s hands went to their necks.

I needed that aspirin.

"Get dressed. Actually dressed. Cover the evidence. Look presentable." I headed for the stairs. "We have two hours."

"Where are you going?" Natalia called after me.

"To hide the catgirl in my room before she causes an international incident."

"The what now?"

I didn’t answer.

Upstairs, Maki had returned to human form and was lying on my bed, completely naked again, examining her nails like she owned the place.

"Your shirt fell off." I tossed it at her.

"Oops." She caught it but didn’t put it on. "So when do I meet everyone? I heard voices. Lots of voices. Girl voices mostly. One purple one sounded scary. I like scary."

"You’re staying hidden until my parents leave."

"But I want to meet your mom!" She sat up with an audible bounce, both her tails swishing in wide, enthusiastic arcs behind her like a pair of pendulums powered by pure chaos. "I’ll be so good, Master. So good. The goodest I have ever been in the entire history of my existence. You won’t even know I’m here."

"You said those exact words ten minutes ago," I said flatly, "and I still don’t believe you. Marginally less now, actually."

"Rude." She made a face, all exaggerated wounded dignity, then finally—finally—tugged the shirt over her head and wrestled her arms through the sleeves. It barely covered anything, but it was a start. "Fine. I’ll stay up here like a perfectly well-behaved familiar and definitely not come downstairs to introduce myself to your extremely nice-sounding mother."

"Deal."

"But you owe me tuna when this is over." She held up one finger. "The good kind. Not the sad, water-packed stuff from a tin. The fresh kind."

"Fine."

A second finger joined the first. "And pets. Behind the ears. Extended session. No skimping."

"We’ll see."

The fingers didn’t lower. A third one appeared, and her expression shifted into something slower, more deliberate—the lazy, heavy-lidded look she deployed like a weapon. "And another punishment." The word landed with the practiced weight of someone who had rehearsed the damage it would do. Her hazel-gold eyes gleamed, cat-pupils dilating with mischief. "I was extraordinarily bad earlier. Someone should probably address that properly. Thoroughly. At length."

"Later," I said.

"Promise?"

I crossed the room, reached down, and scratched firmly behind her ears.

The purring that erupted was immediate, involuntary, and absolutely catastrophic in volume—a deep, resonant rumble that vibrated through her entire small frame and rattled the empty water glass sitting on my desk.

Her eyes glazed over, tails wrapping contentedly around her own waist, and every trace of scheming evaporated from her face in an instant.

"Be good while I’m gone," I said quietly, holding her gaze long enough to make sure something resembling comprehension was still in there. "Stay hidden. Stay quiet."

"Mmmm." Her eyes had glazed over. "Anything you want, Master."