Rivers of the Night-Chapter 271: Disgust

But randomly asking this in the woods, when she knew the Thistles were still nearby and there was likely soon to be a General Pennel looking for them, was borderline ridiculous. It was like she was looking for an excuse to get caught.

Of course, Theron knew why she was so flustered. Normally, she wouldn't have made such a stupid mistake. But finding out you had an unknown grandfather who your grandmother supposedly believed in enough to protect you, and yet didn't believe in enough to actually tell you about him, would be enough to throw anyone for a loop.

Still, understanding was one thing, giving it grace was another thing entirely. Theron didn't have patience for such things.

As though on cue, the sound of hooves reached their ears, and Aliza paled a bit before regaining her composure. Suddenly, she understood exactly what Theron meant, and she lowered her head slowly.

She managed to control the blush of embarrassment that would have come and slowly exhaled.

This was going to be a long ride back…

**

Malaya sat against a tree in silence, her knees hugged to her chest and her head almost between her legs. If not for her dress being in the way, maybe it would have been exactly like that.

There was a bit of blankness in her eyes.

She should have been nervous, knowing that her life was being used as a bargaining chip to suppress Theron, but she didn't. She just sat there and waited, wondering if this was just what her life was going to be from now on.

She remembered Theron saying that the world was large, that after all of this was over, she could just leave and start up a new life somewhere else.

But would she ever get over this? She really wasn't sure.

Maybe it was because she was right in the middle of it, but it seemed to consume her whole being. Even if she wanted to forget, she wasn't sure if she would.

The sounds of battle echoed from a distance, and a part of her almost found it amusing. She was so weak that they didn't even care to chain her up or even leave someone to watch her. They knew that she would stay here because if she left, she'd more than likely die on her own on the way back.

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This feeling of weakness… she really didn't like it. She really didn't like it at all.

Her arms tightened around her legs, and the sound of crunching leaves eventually echoed in her ears. But she didn't bother to look up. What point was there?

Oddly enough, though, she didn't cry either.

"You're still here."

Finally, Malaya showed some reaction as she looked up to see Sigil. The usually confident young man looked quite pale right now, but he didn't seem injured at all. For some reason, Malaya felt some sympathy for him, the ebbs and flows of his emotions reflecting clearly in her eyes.

Malaya couldn't help but wonder what he had just gone through to force such a look on his face.

Even so, she didn't reply. It was hard for anything she said to not sound snarky, and that was just not the person she was. So it was easier to just not say anything at all.

"Let's go. We have to leave this place."

Malaya nodded slowly and stood. But then the implications of what this might mean made her legs tremble a bit, and she almost fell before stabilizing herself.

"Th… Theron… he…"

"He's alive," Sigil said, his voice maintaining the same calm steadiness.

"He…" Malaya lowered her head and shook it. She knew that she shouldn't ask questions she didn't want the answer to. That was a mistake others made all too often.

She knew that Theron wasn't in love with her. There was no point in expecting him to react to this any other way in the first place. But… it still felt better to not let things be so clear.

Who knew. Maybe living in delusion could be nice from time to time. One of these days, maybe that delusion would become a reality and she would be able to marry the man of her dreams.

Malaya didn't know why, but that thought of hers, steeped in weakness, made her feel true disgust for maybe the first time in her life. Not toward Theron, or Sigil, or even the actions of the Thistles…

But herself.

She realized at that moment that she really didn't want to be that woman. It was okay to dream… but maybe she shouldn't be so hopeful that everything she wanted would just come to her on its own.