You Think I Won't Talk?-Chapter 41

Today’s dress was one I would classify as my favourite so far. Although I don’t like dressing up much, this dress was just right, not too fancy nor too simple. It had perfect balance.

The upper body was pastel peach with a corset that was decorated with sparkling coral and golden threads drawing figures of leaves with flower buttons. The clothing underneath the corset peeked out, uncovered by the dress itself, and acted as short puffy sleeves of white cream colour. All in all, the shape of the neckline was squared. However, it was really interesting how a little of the underclothing peeked from the edge of the corset which ended up covering my breasts fairly well. Without it, my outfit would be a little revealing in the cleavage zone, but this way, I looked refined and youthful.

My skirt was made of two layers, one of the same colours as my corset and the other of beige marble.

What made it so beautiful was that the first layer was a little translucent and had the same golden embroidery used in the corset, coming down from my waist to a third of the skirt’s length, gradually fading into the fabric. Not only that, the skirt wasn’t as puffy as the others I had worn til now.

If I were to say the impression it gave me once I looked at myself in the mirror... I would say it is the embodiment of Spring...

"..."

’Heh... this dress... just stole the Empress’ Garden nickname...’

Even though my hair was yet to be groomed, I was already satisfied with my appearance.

Marianne’s beauty amazed me once again. I’m starting to wonder if there will come a time when I won’t get surprised by it in the future.

’Honestly... I doubt it.’

A maiden like her... looked delicate and pure... just like a blooming flower... but seeing her dull expression... degrading such loveliness... I could only compare her beauty to a fallen petal, drying up under the warm sun that comes with Spring.

Such a deep description of her appearance, conceived by my unpoetic self was extremely surprising. Hence, such was the extension of the impact her beauty caused on me.

Blinking astonished by the perception she gave me.

Looking at the unchanging expression on her dry face, my sad heart throbbed in pain to it. My not being able to make a smile appear on my lovely girl’s face... hurt me deeply.

Only my eyes could articulate my will... and right now, only affliction could be seen in their reflection.

Like a spark of light...a worrying possibility... a greatly undesired possible outcome, emerged in my head, making my affliction escalate further.

I became afraid.

And, because of it, a wish born from my greed was bluntly told to Marianne.

I...

’...I don’t want to smile just for myself...’

The Marianne I didn’t get to meet... always saw this reflection in the mirror, at least... that’s what I think, and she did for a long time.

So... to that little piece of her soul that was left with me... I want to show her the precious smile that had been long forgotten. Even if I seem arrogant, I want her to see that there is much more to her than a dead expression. An unsuppressed and sincere smile from Marianne... Just how gorgeous would it be?

’We will make this work out somehow. We will fuse with each other sooner or later, sweetie.’

Sending a warm smile from the inside, I said those words loudly in my head.

Anne must know that... we will definitely merge as one, because...

’... I won’t let you go... we must continue living together. Because... I won’t be able to... overcome your death... Marianne...’

One principle that reigns ordinary human beings is that only one soul must reside on a body. This is something that does not change, whichever world you are in.

Knowing that principle of life... From the moment I learned that she was still partially here, I knew that... my "freedom" could only be attained if either, we became one soul together or... I make her soul disappear completely from this body.

That’s why from the very beginning, from the very moment her will was transmitted to me the day I arrived... I had decided to keep her alive within me... if possible.

That "If possible" has changed now to "certainly".

Living like her, seeing her surroundings, her family, the hardships she endured... everything was so unexpectedly tragic.

She committed suicide at the age of eighteen, after enduring for more than ten years the slow poisoning of her heart with silent desperation.

How could I not relate to such things? After all... there was a time I felt just like she did when she decided to end it all... so... how can I just let her go like this?

Thinking of how to end it all... was so soothing at the time... harming myself to death... and knowing nothing about it later... finally getting out of the misery my heart was drowning in... was a daydreaming escape.

Before actually doing it, you keep imagining it... for a long long time... until you finally get the courage to do it.

She could do, what I couldn’t.

But... even if I admire her for that... it’s not that I’m happy about it.

Because... since I couldn’t do it... I got to live once again in my first life, and... understood that... you can end it in other ways. Ways that...

’Can lead you to say... "I want to keep on living... for a long time"...’

The misery can become a small part of us... only if we learn how to go about looking for the right paths guiding us to contentment.

She committed suicide... But did not entirely succeed.

Marianne, she is still here.

I will show her a life she never ever imagined. We will smile until we are old. Laugh. Cry. Fight. We will show our rage to the ones we hate. And most importantly... make the people who love us and who we choose to love happy... So that we can become even happier day by day.

’The world is full of malice if we close our eyes. But once we open them... you won’t be able to believe how blinded you were... to let yourself be engulfed by the darkness and think that the world was as small as the box you locked yourself into.’

Reciting these words to Anne, I followed the attendants, turning away from our reflection in the big fancy mirror. The time to continue preparations with my hair came, so I took a seat in front of a dressing table.

I was agitated by my deep thoughts, and I could feel that Marianne was too, by my words.

Chuckling in my head at the awkward sensation my serious thoughts led us to. My brain came out with a silly sentence.

’Just trust this old woman, sweetie.’

Giggling a little after saying this, my mind froze in confusion.

My body had been paralysed entirely. The sudden incapacity did not let me think clearly. It was truly shocking to not be able to feel the body as if I had been completely imprisoned inside it.

The maid who was doing my hair did not notice and continued to comb Marianne’s hair until she finished, leaving the room shortly after.

I kept motionless for a few more minutes, staring at our frozen body in the mirror attached to the dressing table I sat in front of. The fact that I could not feel Marianne’s presence... began to slowly sink in.

Closing my eyes in grief. I called her repeatedly.

That was the only thing I could think of doing at the moment.

’Anne’

’...Anne’

’Anne...!’

’Marianne!!’

I stopped for a moment, waiting, begging, for some kind of reaction or signal.

But only a deadly silence was met.

The premonition it gave... oddly calmed me down. There was nothing that could be done. I was trapped inside Marianne’s body. I had no control over it and I had no apparent way to gain it. And... this unprecedented event... was just that, unprecedented.

I waited in the silence without saying or thinking about anything.

Feeling desolated... was not something I could afford. Falling into desperation was useless. I have never experienced this type of reaction, so it is still too early to assume that this was... bad news.

So, with this in mind, for the last time, I called her again, in a voice that expressed my affection towards her.

’...Anne...’

With a warm smile, I listened to the silence once again, hoping. Always hoping. Because nothing has been proven yet...

A few seconds after... I regained the original control I had over the body, only after... an unknown murmur echoed in my head.

’...Eli...’

A voice I had never heard, soft and tender... But also rusty and muffled... resounded with difficulty through my mind, and woke the sleeping body with the shivers it caused.

Through my cheeks, two tears flowed down.

I could not tell who they belonged to. Because I am sure... hearing Marianne’s voice... calling for me... was certainly something worthy to cry over...