Beers and Beards-Chapter 35Book 4: : Panic at the Disco

Balin was halfway down the hallway before we even got there. His golden armour was a welcome sight as more and more red dots began populating my [Map]. Annie was at his side, her blonde beard swinging back and forth as she sprinted, her eyes wild and her axe at the ready.

“That’s the alarm fer a dungeon break!” Balin shouted, coming to a screeching stop beside us. His face was white, but his will was firm. Balin’s entire family had been killed by a monster stampede decades ago, and they were a constant nightmare for him. But he’d now fought back successfully against two dungeon breaks and he was all business.

“Where’s Kirk,” I demanded, “And what’s the situation out there.”

“Everyone’s panickin’. Someone said they saw some Briarcrows out tha’ windows, and a couple Adventurers with scoutin’ Abilities say they’re sensin’ spirits. If there’s more than one kinda monster out there, then this is probably a big break. Or a Gods be damned Stampede. Dunno about Kirk, but if anyone can run away from somethin like this, it’s him.”

“Tiara’s teats,” I swore. “And I think it is a Stampede. I got a quest.”

“Pete,” Mirelda whispered from beside me. “If you’re done swearing by some other woman’s tits, can I have my hand back?”

I glanced down and realized I had her fingers crushed in my clenched palms. I released her, and she rubbed blood back into them.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Do ya know what a dungeon Stampede is?”

“Yes, it’s when lots and lots and lots of monsters come out of a dungeon,” she mumbled, looking around the empty halls. “You know, now seems an excellent time to rob the palace.”

“Hah! Aye, would teach the pointy-ears ta leave security so poor just ‘cause there’s a party. I cannae believe that monsters ‘ave reached all the way to tha palace.” Balin grumbled. “Someone hasn’t been doing their job.”

I thought back to my conversation with Romero. And all the strange goings on in various dungeons this year. “Or they met with somethin’ unexpected.”

Balin grimaced. “Aye that too. Well, if’n yer sure this is a Stampede Pete, we’re in big trouble..”

“We need to get out there,” I declared. “And we should start evacuating people into the Thirsty Goat. I’ll set up the door somewhere defensible, and we can funnel folks through.”

Annie nodded. “Good idea. Starshine is setting up some defenses with Prince Elijah and his party, and they’re rallying the Adventurers.”

“Those tables may not last fer long,” Balin warned.

I grunted. “Then let’s hurry. Mirelda, stick close to Balin. Get ready as soon as we’re through the door, Balin. I’ll handle up, you handle front. Annie, watch our back.”

I kept an eye on my [Map] and was weaving a spell together even as we stepped out of the hallway. We emerged into a ballroom very different from the opulent social function we’d left. White ghostly things flitted to and fro overhead, their icy birdlike whistling overlaying the screams of the guests. They looked like some child’s drawing of a seagull, two dimensional but with just enough detail to feel real. Two long dangling forearms tipped with long fingered hands added an extra level of alien to their already creepy appearance.

“Tender Sprites.” Balin hissed.

There was a shattering CRASH, as a glowing green bird the size of a Volkswagon burst through the glass ceiling, showering the ball with shards of coloured glass.

Calls of “Briarhawk!!!” rose around the room.

Then the monster shrieked, and I felt it in my soul.

Milestone Used

[Unbending] has prevented [Soul Cry].

Mirelda yelped as one of her amulets suddenly caught fire. Two of the translucent white blob things swept down towards us, and I finished my spell, launching a fireball up to meet them. One of the – Tender Sprites? – peeled off towards a contingent of gelves, but the other vanished in a conflagration of fire.

“[Party Finder] says Starshine’s in tha middle there.” Balin pointed to where the fighting was thickest.

“Any advice, Balin?” I asked, preparing to shoot another fireball at a passing Sprite. It swept its hand down at a group of nearby party goers and a Briarhawk dive bombed them. A moment later, the Sprite vanished as my spell struck it.

“Aye,” Balin nodded, “don’t let ‘em touch you. Their touch can freeze bone. Though they're actin’ strange. They herd other monsters in the dungeon but this looks like they're makin’ em fight ”

“Great,” I grumbled as I dumped more Mana into another fireball. It exploded in the midst of a group of Tender Sprites that were trying to enter one of the side halls.

“Yer gettin’ good at that,” Balin remarked as he fended off a collection of knee high glowing squirrel things.

“I’ve been practicin’ whenever I got antsy with all tha’ paperwork. Aqua said it was a good way of releasin’ stress.”

“Aqua is your bluebearded friend, right? The [Hypnotist]?” Mirelda asked, as she hung onto the back of Balin’s armour, using him as a literal shield. Whenever the Tender Sprites or any of the other strange and eldritch monsters even looked in our direction, she did her best to hide behind him.

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“Aye. You ready ta see her yet?” I’d been trying to get Mirelda to go see Aqua since I’d first met her. She’d been even more damaged by her first few years in Erd than I had been, and she could definitely use it. Thus far she’d been hesitant, but the best time for therapy is today!

“Mmm… Maybe. After this, I’ll be in serious need of it.” She said absentmindedly as an enormous Briarhawk buzzed us and we dove to the floor.

Annie gave an encouraging noise. “I’m sure she’d be happy to spend time chatting! Maybe we could take you to the beardy parlour?”

Mirelda smiled. “Ooh, a girls night out? That could be fun!”

“What on ERD are you Yearn-touched fools babbling about!” A nearby elf screamed from beneath a table. “Have you not noticed that WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!?”

“Shut the FUCK up!! I am TRYING not to FREAK out, here! So shove that piss-poor excuse for a dead cat you call a cravat down your cowardly green gullet, and CHOKE ON IT!!!” Mirelda shrieked back, her invective and vehemence causing us to jump. The elf turned a pasty green-white and tried to hide deeper beneath the table.

Mirelda hid behind Balin again. “Sorry,” she muttered, blushing.

We just stared. Then got back to fighting. It was hard going, especially as we got deeper into the ballroom. Especially since the monsters seemed to be focusing on us in particular.

“This isn’t workin’!” I yelled at Balin as we were jumped by another eldritch pack of glowing green squirrels. “The Spirit Tenders keep going after Mirelda!”

It was true. They kept leap-frogging Balin, and he’d had to waste all of his [Greater Challenge] uses already. My [Regeneration] was hard at work fixing some nicks and cuts I’d taken covering her when monsters got too close, and my Mana was running worryingly low. At this point Mirelda was white and shaking, and I was worried she was going to panic and bolt. But she was made of strong stuff, and didn’t falter for even an instant.

“Got any ideas?” Balin yelled back.

“Give me a sec! [Flash of Insight]!”

Information flooded through my brain. Bits and pieces coming together.

“Balin, remember the Kobolds! They were mostly after tools and stuff. Look around, the Spirit Tenders are pullin’ enchanted items offa folk! And Mirelda’s kitted up like Tiara’s Keep!”

Indeed, the Spirit Tenders were focusing on the richest adorned nobility, even to the exclusion of more dangerous combatants.

Balin thought it through, then nodded. “I think yer right! Lass, start sheddin’ all yer charms and amulets and rings! All of it!”

Mirelda gripped one of her necklaces tightly, her knuckles white. “Are – are you sure? All of them?”

“AYE! Throw ‘em away! Test it first ifin’ ya want!”

With shaking hands, Mirelda began pulling enchanted protection items off and tossing them aside. The Spirits chased after the trinkets and she was soon yeeting the items far afield, clearing a path for us as the monsters ran off to claim their prizes. I winced at the gold cost, but they had served their purpose in saving her life.

“I see Starshine!” Balin shouted, pointing to a clump of people in the center of the ballroom. They had successfully set up tables as slapdash barricades and were mounting a defense. While it couldn’t keep the ethereal Spirit Tenders or some of their more eldritch minions out, it kept the more corporeal monsters at bay. I spotted Prince Elijah atop one of the ‘walls’, doing battle with one of the toothy/viney Briarcrow things.

I also spotted the flock of Tender Sprites about to plow into Starshine from behind. The filthy things had sent a flock of strange paper dragonflies up against one side of the makeshift fort, then snuck around.

“BALIN!” I pointed.

“On it! [Transpose Ally]!”

There was a tremor in the air, and Balin vanished, to be replaced with a confused looking Starshine. It only took her a moment before she reoriented, gave me a nod, then tore back into the fray, her [Juggernaut] Abilities allowing her to power through the mob.

“Quick!” I grabbed Mirelda and Annie, then followed in Starshine’s wake. With a dash of speed, we were into the encirclement.

“Ugh, are we safe?” Mirelda asked, dropping to her knees.

“Not yet,” I said, finding a space in the middle of the protective encirclement. All around us Adventurers and combat oriented nobility were fighting tooth and nail to keep the non-combatants in the center safe. But with such a clear base of operations, more people were streaming in, and the monsters were following. The floorspace was filling up, and the soldiers on the walls would be unable to properly do battle if things got too cramped..

But, that only applied when *I* wasn’t here.

With a flash of light, the entrance to the Thirsty Goat appeared. I yanked the door open, then activated [Project Voice] to be heard above the din and roared, “EVERYONE GET IN THA GATE!”

It took a moment, but one elf who recognized me ran through the golden portal, followed by a second, then a third.

And then there was a stampede.

“Dammit! Mirelda, get inside! I’m gonna help Balin!” I shouted, pushing to keep myself from being swept through the gate myself.

I felt giant hands support my shoulders as Mirelda pitted her human bulk and weight against the stream of lesser nobility.

“I’m not going until you do,” she said with finality, then hedged, “unless we get overrun.”

I grinned up at her. “Should work. Do you have anything to help?”

“Not unless you want me to read them to death.”

“Know any Chauser?”

“You know Chauser?”

“No need to sound so surprised. My English teacher adored the classics. “

Mirelda giggled, though her heart wasn't in it. “Well I'm not going to read them The Canterbury Tales, that's for sure!”

Up on the wall there was a bright flash of light as Balin roared, “[Shining Armaments]! [Rally]!”

The various adventurers’ weapons lit up with golden energy, and their movements grew just a bit quicker. Before, non-magical or Abilityless strikes would pass through the Tender Sprites without damaging them, but now even a light scratch caused them to fall back with hissing warbles.

As more and more people streamed in to the Thirsty Goat, we were finally able to get a clear view of the room.

The place was trashed. Bodies of people and monsters lay everywhere. A few pockets of resistance remained, as well as movement from those who’d managed to hide or survive by the skin of their teeth. Starshine began using her Juggernaut Abilities to penetrate deep into the monster’s lines, rushing to recover anybody still moving.

On the bright side, there were less dead than I would’ve expected; most must be safely ensconced in the Liminal Inn. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Up on the wall, Balin stood as a shining beacon, the elven Prince Elijah by his side. The two were a hammer and anvil upon which the Tenders broke, then were smashed. Balin swung with his axe and the Prince with his sword, sweat flying from their bodies in delicate arcs. They glowed nearly as brightly as their weapons in that moment, and not a few of the civilians fleeing into the Thirsty Goat paused to watch them open–mouthed before I kicked them through the portal. When everyone we could reach was through, the Adventurers made a fighting retreat.

Little did I realize that one of those open-mouthed bystanders, her eyes slowly starting to gleam as she hungrily drank in the scene, was Mirelda.