Beers and Beards-Chapter 77Book 4, : Here there be dragons??

The screaming from the crowd quickly turned to stunned silence as the dragons all began descending. It’ll likely be impossible for me to describe what that moment was like for the rest of my life. The dragons were all massive, each easily as long and bulky as a freight truck with a wingspan at least twice that size.

And there had to be over a hundred of them.

The monkey – or was it a mole now – in the back of my mind wanted to immediately hit [Dungeonwalk] and run. Dragons were super-magical immortal beings of absolute power, right? And they were aloof, carnivorous, and didn’t care much for us wee mortals. So a hundred of them was a bad sign, or the work of a talented illusionist.

We knew the Alliance had said illusionists, but would they really be capable of crafting the scene I was watching?

Valarienne, cheeks slightly pink, wearing a ruffly white blouse and leather boots and pants, and carried in the arms of some kind of dreamy kung-fu dragon-man in a white yukata or kimono or hanfu or whatever it was. Descending on a ray of light like a Michelangelo painting.

Oh, and half the dragon’s robe was off, revealing a chiseled and oddly shiny pec.

What was this??

“What is this??” Balin muttered beside me. He and Brightstar all had their weapons at the ready, and had surrounded me in our ‘let’s get out of dodge’ formation.

“Dragons.” Flowerpott said simply. Raysdotter reached out and swatted him in the back of the head. “Ow!”

“So many dragons…” Starshine whispered. “Is that that Valarienne fellow in that dragon’s arms?”

“I… think so?” I replied, as unsure as anyone else. Was this supposed to be my deific intervention? If so, they should rename it [Draconic Intervention] or [Deific Stir The Pot], because what in tha Nether kind of intervention was this!? This was worse!!!

The dragon-man holding Valarienne was starting to spiral down into the center of the camp, and we all must’ve realized at the same time as Captain Conrad shouted, “We need to get to them first! Whatever you do, don’t shoot at them, but have defensive spells and Abilities at the ready!”

Thankfully? Before we all had to rush down into the center of the panicking camp, pushing children, elderly and pregnant women out of the way, Valarienne pointed us out to his… ride.

“They’re headed our way now,” Balin said dazedly.

“Thanks Captain Obvious!” I snarled. Grabbing a shield and holding it at the ready. “Got anything helpful!?”

“Really liking the idea of running Star!” Raysdotter chimed, her voice quavering. “Even the Nether would be preferable to this!”

“Be quiet. Stand tall and don’t show fear. Dragons can smell fear,” Starshine said, doing her best to look like an impenetrable ball of Mithril.

“Your legs are shaking, Star.” Aishablue observed.

Starshine smacked her quivering knees with a gloved fist. “Not now Ai!!!”

And then the dragons were upon us, the white-robed dragonman in the fore. A total of four of the great beasts swung down close above us, buzzing our formation with intimidating roars.

It was quite effective; we were very intimidated.

The dragon man touched down lightly on the grass in front of us, his robes falling into place as though they were put there by an effects artist. He was tall, far taller than any human could ever be, and tiny silver scales spotted his skin as accents. Up close, he had faintly Asian features, with long thick black hair and hooded golden eyes. If I could pick one word to describe him, it would be statuesque.

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Valarienne lay in his arms, looking like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to immediately jump down or stay and enjoy the view.

“Who are you. Why are there only the weak and elderly here?” The dragon demanded, his voice thick and masculine, with the faintest of Chinese accents. It cracked over our silently gawking group like a whip, even over the roars of the dragons overhead. “And what did you do to us?”

Captain Conrad spluttered, his nose practically blue with fright. “Us – do to you??”

“You have to tell them who you are first! Can’t you tell these people are terrified??” Valerienne blurted, his balled up fists thumping on the dragon’s chest. “Ugh. Dragons. Just let me down and I’ll talk. I recognize some of them.”

The dragon looked down at the blonde giant lying in his arms, and with a snort dropped him to the ground. Valarienne landed hard on his butt with a feminine *oof!*

He stood, groaning, and gave me a wink. “Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you again, Milord. I apologize for all this, but I seem to have become embroiled in some rather momentous events!”

My ears itched as my Perception kicked into overdrive. He’d stressed the pronunciation of ‘Milord’ pretty hard. So, was it important that I was a lord, or that he not say my name?

I quirked an eyebrow. “Valerienne? I was under the impression you were going to meet with the trolls.” Translation: What the hell is this??

“Yes, well as you can see milord, I met our scaly friends here in the Eastern Ocean. Haha! They were headed to Grandia, and were lost, so I offered to act as their guide. Though they were a bit forceful at first!” He giggled and gave the dragon an elbow in the ribs. Translation: Help help, I’m a damsel in distress! But he’s really hot so I’m suffering from Stockholm syndrome!

Though I could’ve misunderstood that last part.

I crossed my hands behind my back and jutted out my beard, doing my best to look dwarvishly regal. “You were with a crew, no? Are they alright? Are you?” Translation: do I need to grab you and drag us all to the Nether?

“No. The ship is fine, and Yi here has been a gracious host, though an impatient one. They were quite lost, you see, since Lord Yi isn’t from around here.” Translation: Yi is more than he appears.

My ears burned as my brain tried to translate that last bit.

Oshitoshitoshitoshit. Did that mean what I thought it meant? We were missing the last Chosen Catalyst; had Val found him?

“We were just about to land in Grandia,” Valarienne continued, “when there was a burst of light and we arrived here! So we’re all understandably very confused.” Translation: I’m fine, but this is serious, so hurry up.

“I… see,” I nodded sagely, my mind buzzing, and turned to the dragon named Yi. “To answer your question, Lord Yi, this is a battle between the Coalition of the Central Plains Tribes and the Western Kingdom Alliance. The Alliance has been capturing and enslaving the plainsfolk, and this is their last stand. I’m afraid I don’t know why you're here.”

I wasn’t even lying. I had no GODDAMN CLUE why they were here!!! Damnit Barck! This was the worst deific intervention in the history of deific interventions! This was a Deus Ex Fuckup!

The dragon looked out over the assembled terrified refugees. “A war? So why are you not fighting? No, don’t answer, you’re a noble, that’s answer enough.”

He turned away from me as I spluttered and looked at Starshine. “You, warrior, why are you not fighting? Do you not need to protect your sect? Just because your master stands at the back as a coward doesn’t mean you must.”

Starshine gawped for a moment, but found her voice. “We’re just allies here to provide a guard for the refugees against raiders. We just rebuffed a flock of gryphons a while ago.” She pointed at the hills hiding the distant battlefield.

“Gryphons?” Yi looked out in that direction.

“Big lion, eagle things?” I said, helpfully, trying to pull his attention back to me. If he really was one of the other Chosen I didn’t want anyone else innocently saying something that we’d all regret.

Yi waved at the dragons overhead, and a big red one swung out over the hills. “My disciples will check your story. If you’ve lied to us, I’ll let them eat you. They’re quite hungry, and our first proper meal in months was just very rudely interrupted.”

Valarienne looked sick.

“In the meantime. You’ll provide us with some of those sheep and goats for a feast. We’ll… rest in your camp for today,” he said with a grimace.

I could swear I heard faint cheering from the dragons overhead, but that had to be my imagination, right?

“We’d love to help, but the war – “ I protested.

“Your war is over,” Yi snorted. “Until we find who brought us here. And deal with them.”

So over a hundred pissed off dragons were here looking for me. I felt a sudden pang of regret for making myself the center of attention.

Gulp.