Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 23.8

A breath that seemed scalding hot melted the skin on my neck. In desperation, I reached out and grabbed Go Yohan’s hair. Wanting to escape the excruciating pain, I pulled his head back with all my might. Silver threads stretched long from Go Yohan’s mouth as his head tilted back.

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"Haah."

The eyes looking down at me, now with his head bent, were Go Yohan's in a way I had never seen before.

"..."

If anything, they were like those snake-like eyes I first encountered in the cafeteria.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

His pupils moved slowly. The small pupils and the faint iris. They moved like those of a carnivore, slowly drifting downwards. Then, an unusual sensuality filled his expressionless face. Go Yohan's lips twisted upward on one side. Surprisingly, he looked pleased as he slowly opened his mouth.

"Jun, but why."

"..."

"Why are you like this."

His gaze landed on my exposed chest. Specifically, it was on the slightly erect part, either from sexual arousal or sheer terror. Shit, I hastily tried to pull down my t-shirt, but it just stretched embarrassingly because it was caught so tightly. It was ridiculous that it wouldn’t come down just because of Go Yohan’s thumb. As I was about to explode with frustration, Go Yohan licked his lips and said.

"Do you usually look at the color of your nipples and thank your parents?"

"Why would you say that, you fucking asshole. I've never seen them!"

"Why don’t you look."

Suddenly, Go Yohan frowned and said seriously, as if truly baffled.

"Why don’t you look at this beauty. It’s a waste."

Go Yohan had lost it. My face flushed with heat, and if I had a brick in my hand, I would have smashed his head with it.

"If it were me, I'd have taken photos and exhibited them."

It was infuriating how seriously he could say such a thing. I couldn’t take it anymore. At the same moment I thought I might die, or rather kill him and then die, my fist clenched spasmodically. Then, with all my strength, I struck the space between Go Yohan’s chest and collarbone.

"Keugh."

Immediately after being hit, the body lying on top of me collapsed. His right hand that had been supporting his position loosened, and with his left, he grasped his chest that had collided and fell on top of me. Then he buried his head on my chest, groaning in pain. Unexpectedly, I was the one who panicked.

"Go, Go Yohan?"

"Uh... ah, it hurts..."

I had heard that it was a vital spot, but I hadn’t expected it to be true. I alternated between looking at my fist and Go Yohan’s head in confusion. I felt like I had hit him too hard and, panicked, I released the hair I had been gripping tightly. As I lifted his head to check,

"...uhuk!"

A thick and hot lump of flesh touched the part of my chest I had never touched before. The protruding nub was crushed by the force, and the rebound made me twist my waist involuntarily. The hand that had been grasping my chest had now moved down to hold my waist tightly. The body lifting only the shoulders with the head buried in my right chest was barely visible. Amidst the mental turmoil,

I quickly put my hand between my chest and Go Yohan’s forehead and pushed. Again, a tense stand-off ensued. The sounds of sucking and licking the flesh echoed vividly.

"Go, Go Yohan. Please. Yohan."

Ugh, I swallowed a moan that threatened to escape. There was nothing more embarrassing than letting a moan slip from my own lips. I forcefully tensed my throat, and my face heated up again. Both Go Yohan’s head and my arms trembled. It was a deadlock until Go Yohan slightly bit the protruding nub.

"Hngh!"

All my strength dissipated. My waist involuntarily lifted once and then fell, and my toes curled into the blanket. A dry pressure surged to the dead center where pain had killed it. A pleasure too intense for reason to suppress surged up my legs, gnawing away at what remained of my dignified mind.

So this is what it means to be mind-numbed.

With my vision blurring as if filled with water, I had that thought.

I had missed the timing. The momentum had completely shifted to Go Yohan’s side. I felt my left leg being lifted for a moment, but soon I was only arching my back and gasping due to the returning storm. I couldn’t tell if it was a good or torturous sensation.

Even in the midst of it, I was terrified of letting out a moan and covered my mouth, but my strength drained away and my fingers slipped. A few fingers brushed my cheek, scraping off the traces of a hardened liquid. Hot force sucking, biting, and snapping matched the twisting of my toes into the blanket. Even in my senselessness, the last vestige of pride wanted to push Go Yohan away.

Finally, it was a victory for reason.

"Haah, haah..."

Go Yohan, who seemed out of breath as if he had been running, wiped his strangely swollen lips with the back of his hand. That talkative Go Yohan said nothing. He just quietly looked at the marks he had left. Even though I had pushed Go Yohan away, I still suffered from the saliva he had left behind, which the wind cooled and sharply scraped the swollen nub.

"You're crying again."

"..."

Pushed to the side, Go Yohan covered his mouth with his arm and said.

"Shall I do the other side too?"

I clenched my toes and twisted them while pretending with my mouth that it wasn't a big deal.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because if we keep going, you might burst."

At least I'm not the only one trembling like this. It's funny that I'm the one making such a statement, but as long as we don't get caught, I think it's fine. When Goyohan tried to look down at my lower body, I quickly grabbed his wrist. Goyohan looked at my face, then his left thigh, and then said,

"It's okay. I already came once."

"......"

It was then I saw the distinctly wet trace in the darkness, around the middle of Goyohan's thigh.

"I did get hard again while washing yours."

"......You're crazy. Really."

It turns out the high school rumors were true. Goyohan is a monster. They say you can't tell when it's big. It's ridiculous to find out the truth this way. Even as I snorted in disbelief, a quiet pleasure was creeping back, making my body shudder.

"It's okay. Yours isn't that small either."

"......Hey."

"Hmm?"

I called him but swallowed my words again. In that moment, my head was spinning so much, it was the first time I felt nauseous from thoughts. My fingers tensed as they scratched the bedsheet. The soft sensation followed along my thin skin. I swallowed my resolve.

"You really..."

But it didn't come out right. I swallowed air, grabbed the bedsheet again, and tightly shut and then opened my eyes. I expected and felt it. It was too late to change the course of my life. I had already gone as far as pseudo sex. There was no track left to turn back on. I was prepared for this day to come. So I expected Goyohan to go all the way today.

My resolve was finished looking at Goyohan's back. Goyohan might not know, but the real pervert is me.

"......Goyohan."

"Hmm."

A weak, throat-clearing response came. That was proof Goyohan was excited. I moistened my dry lips.

"Are you going to do it?"

"......"

No answer. He said he wouldn't do it before. Damn it. I bit my lip and relaxed my body. Having seen Goyohan's back, I couldn't help but feel weak towards him. I clenched and then spread the blanket slightly as I opened my mouth.

"If you're going to, take it off."

But his beautifully sad face twisted.

"No."

"Why."

"......"

"......Are you embarrassed?"

The sound of the blanket scratching my body followed. Goyohan raised an eyebrow and also got up. Sitting on his knees on top of the blanket, he avoided my eyes. His face was clearly uncomfortable. I relentlessly followed his avoiding gaze. Goyohan felt it too, this time he bowed his head.

"I've stripped everything off you, leaving only a bear-like shirt on, and you say you won't take it off."

"Making jokes won't help."

I was serious.

"I don't want to take it off."

Goyohan has an excellent talent for looking pitiful. Having already been fooled by him once, I know better. But the true talent was that knowing this still made my heart weak. His voice was gradually getting softer, twisting and squeezing my heart. A heavy stone seemed to press down in the middle of my chest. I gripped the blanket tightly and then let go, trying my best to ignore Goyohan.

"Then we won't do it."

At my words, the sound of the blanket rustling followed.

"......What?"

Ha. I laughed silently, turning my head to the outside. Honestly, I laughed because it was funny. It was a bit cute to hear his pitiful voice turn curious as he raised his head. That bastard, always keen to notice the good things.

"Goyohan."

"Hmm."

"......"

Now it feels like someone is punching my heart to death. It pounds, it hurts so much, it's agonizing, but the heat that allows me to endure the pain held me.

"......Listen."

"......Yeah."

"That is..."

My words were swallowed again.

I could reverse them now. I could take them back. But my certainty was blocked by the question that rose again. How can you reverse it? To where? I know. I actually knew. I also knew the futility of not having spoken the word recalling the act. I needed time and motive. The courage to have left the path I'd longed for my whole life. Now came the pain of being carved open with a knife. Choices are always hard. Even more so when they're about turning your life upside down.

But there's someone who made this choice before me. Right beside me. A fool who doesn't resent me while bearing an indelible scar, ashamed of it.

I took a deep breath. My flat chest rose. I exhaled the thoughts that complicated me like a breath.

"......Goyohan, actually, I've been embarrassed to say it."

The words were etched in my mind beforehand. Heat rose to my head. I was sure I had blushed again. Not wanting to be caught in my wretched state, I twisted my head forcefully. My body turned outward, and my face pressed into the blanket. My half-buried lips finally blurted out.

"I get excited seeing your wounds."

My first confession ended pitifully there on the blanket, not even fully undressed but with a T-shirt pulled up to my neck. And it was also a consolation. Your wounds aren't so ugly. Actually, they're a bit... sexy.

"So..."

"Please..." My voice was so soft I could barely hear it myself. "Damn it. As expected, the beginning is always shit. I never thought it would come to this when I first met Go Yohan. How could I have anticipated confessing to Go Yohan and dealing with his first time, agonizing over it?

If I had known, I would have transferred schools at seventeen. But why is there no response? Damn it, did he wake up? Maybe he thought I was weird? It's driving me crazy. My mind is spinning, and the pain that had built up was gradually subsiding. Should I make excuses again? Should I explain properly? I just wanted to say it wasn't about being embarrassed. Okay, let's just say it's not that.

"Um! It's not that!"

But my resolve was flung far away as the bed shook. There was a sound of a foot stepping on the floor. I sat up, perplexed. My T-shirt had awkwardly ridden up to just below my chest.

"Go Yohan?"

In the darkness, Go Yohan quickly unbuckled his belt. The zipper, half-open, was clearly visible. My heart pounded again. This time it wasn't painful, but I was breathless. Go Yohan crossed his arms and lifted the shirt. The muscles on his well-formed stomach and the slight ripple near his ribs caught my eye immediately. His head popped out through a small hole in the shirt, and his hair frizzed out as it brushed against it.

"…Hey."

"…?"

There was no smile on Go Yohan's face. Only his eyes were flushed red. I, half-draped over the bed and looking at his torso, said incredulously,

"Did you work out?"

"…Yeah."

"When?"

He didn't answer. Go Yohan bit his lip, pulled the zipper all the way down, and took off his pants. The underwear, not fully removed, was grabbed between his thumb and index finger. The black drawers clung tightly along the defined muscles. As Go Yohan lifted his waist, the presence in the middle heavily thudded down.

"Usually, just. When I have nothing to do or don't want to think about anything…"

The veins on his penis were distinctly visible as it dripped water, lifting and then falling under its weight, as if it were a living creature.

"…"

Fear and an inexplicable sexual tension. Go Yohan chewed on his lip, fiddled with his bangs, and moved his legs to open the drawer of the bedside table. The first drawer contained a box of condoms. As he lifted one, a whole bunch followed, leaving me speechless.

"I bought these, thinking we might need them."

"Uh, uh."

I replied without fully hearing what he said, overwhelmed by the endless array of condoms.

"…Should we use one?"

Go Yohan hesitated, standing up. The red lust rose and fell with each movement of his muscular body. Even though his penis was erect, it fell back down under its original weight, repeating the motion. The genitals, lit by a faint light, gleamed with fluid. At that moment, I truly wanted to say 'no.'

"There's also this."

As if a shopkeeper making a sale, what he offered next was a cylinder with a dizzying design. Without reading it, I knew what liquid was inside. My mind grew paler.

"When did you buy that?"

"Just, they don't sell my size at convenience stores."

Go Yohan put his index finger in his mouth and bit it lightly. What was it? That embarrassingly fake smile.

"Maybe if you're going to be prepared, you should prepare in advance? What if Jun loses his virginity without a condom? I was worried, so I bought them in advance. This is just in case."

His knees subtly slid onto the bed. Still pressing his canine with his index finger, he looked down. Ah, crap. I quickly moved my hand, but Go Yohan had already caught me. It wouldn't have been hidden by fingers anyway. My face heated up as I feigned ignorance, wedging my palm between my spread legs until the end.

"We should use both."

No, that doesn't seem right.

Before I could object, Go Yohan sat down under me. The sight of his dark-red penis stretching out on the white sheets was abhorrent. I tried to sit up. If I sat, I thought I might buy some time. With that thought, I leaned on one elbow on the bed.

Of course, it was a mistake. I should have moved my legs first. I should have thought about where would be exposed if I raised my knees. With no experience, I was merely trying to cover the center. I realized my mistake when Go Yohan's noticeably long fingers, especially his thumb, suddenly pushed into an area between my buttocks that had never been touched before, pressing and spreading it.

"Ah…!"

I let out an involuntary moan, taken by surprise. Go Yohan, still grinning, focused on the area he would soon use. His playful touches felt intensely large through the gap, flicking and spreading. Underneath the wrinkles, his fingers lifted the flesh as if gathering it. Throughout the prank, Go Yohan kept chuckling.

"Uh…"

This bastard. My throat burned with dryness. I tried to stop him by lowering my knees, but they were halted halfway by Go Yohan's arm. It made things worse. Go Yohan held my thigh with his left hand, preventing it from lowering.

"Hey, Go, Go Yohan."

There was no response.

The back I had tried to keep raised sank back onto the bed, and the part I didn't want to be seen was clearly exposed. Go Yohan's eyes soaked further with excitement. His thigh pressed against my chest, trapped by his arm. I couldn't lift my immobilized body and tried to push Go Yohan away with my arm, but couldn't reach. All I could touch was the arm pinning me down.

"It's okay. I trimmed my nails."

And that was the response I heard much later.

I wanted to kill Go Yohan. His thumb pressed firmly over a definite spot and dragged it down harshly. The itchiness subtly scratched inside me, gradually climbing up my nerves and erecting my lower part. The forced posture caused my penis to twitch uncontrollably, and having to witness it was the worst.

With all my strength, I pressed down on Go Yohan's arm. But while I pushed away one of Go Yohan's arms, a rustling sound accompanied a cold chill touching the skin between my buttocks. A strong squeeze followed, and a slow-moving liquid slid down the curve, dripping below my tailbone.

"Hey, hey!"

"Yeah. What?"

His voice was innocently responsive, but his hand continued to press and move wildly over the spread flesh. I hadn't yet moaned from the tingling in my lower abdomen, but it was dangerous. The constant touching was strangely relaxing the muscles there. Soon, I felt a slight opening might occur. In a rush, I moved my legs wildly, then relaxed and buried my face in the pillow.